I wake up in the middle of the night bitten badly by a snake. A swift and a dark cobra that is waiting to steal my last breath. Panic struck I sit on my bed, remembering what went wrong in the day, that I need to see myself die in a dream? My blood rising to it's maximum, I silently look at the time on my cell phone. 12:00 A.M it reads. I've been sleeping only for 15 mins, I slept at 11:45. "Sleep Vinod, You're alive" says my mind, my heart still finishing the final 100m of the derby. It seemed like an eternal chase. A chase with my own self. My throat says "I've gone dry, pour in some elixir". I silently spring out of the bed towards the water jug and fill a glass of water and soothe my nerves. I hear soft snores from my parents' room. I smile to myself, maybe it was just a sign. A sign to shut myself from all negative and move on. I love the nights. I felt like sitting up all night and rediscovering myself. I switch on my laptop. I login to "Facebook", the response says "Page cannot be found". "I blocked the website" I think to myself, how dumb of me. I quickly go and unblock it. My mind pats my back saying "You suck at this self control thingy". I look into profiles of people whom I really like. Then I look into profiles of people whom I want to like and know, then I look at some pictures of my loved ones.. Happiness starts to speak to me like a long lost cousin. As a human being I discover my biggest strength and my biggest weakness are people and relationships. I get really attracted to people who have a great smile. I am turned off by people who smile cause it's an obligation. There are some who smile only to cameras. "Why aren't some people with me?". Some of my most dearest people have either moved out of my life, or out of this world. I cry with deepest emotions. The moist eyes blur my vision of the most beautiful smiles who I wish to see in front of me right now. They are not my friends yet, they will be. The dim light of my room makes me feel lonely. What made the snake bite me ? Why did I get this dream? I'm the kind who does not let a dream go waste. My dreams speak to me, my dreams tell me what I should correct. Where I went wrong. I trace back a couple of days and see if something could improve my situation. I lift my head up. I look up at the stack of books on my book shelf, 25 books lined up to be read. I read somewhere. It said "If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can steal it from him". So true. I invest into my head, my future. I am proud of my brain, my thoughts, my abilities. My ability to know people, my ability to get into anyone's life and know more about them. My passion about knowing people, my passion to get an entry into their deepest emotions. I fall in love with emotions of other people. When they speak with passion I have tears in my eyes.. When they speak with agony, I enter into their darkest dungeons. What is making me unhappy now? I definitely know what is adding fuel to the fire, but that's not the main reason. I have a discourse with my hippocampus, still unsatisfied cause it does not solve my purpose. A close friend of mine said "You know your situation, it is easy to solve this". Yes. Perfectly right. I am close to solving it, I usually am, but not near enough yet. Victor Frankl's book on my shelf screams out to me "Man's Search for Meaning". Yes. I guess I haven't figured it out yet. I know I need to take one step at a time. I know if I take care of the present, my future is taken care of. I am about to switch off my laptop, looking at the unknown smiling faces, I still sigh that they are not with me yet, smile to myself and tell my heart that I will set it right. My heart whistles at my mind asking it to switch it back to sleep. I sleep, still thinking about the unknown smiling faces. Inner Peace.
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