Victory or Sex - What drives you?

Humans can be driven only by 2 major factors - Victory or Sex. I know it sounds vague when you think there are so many factors that drive someone, so why should there be only 2 factors that define us? 

Let's suppose you are a rich, talented person who has everything in the world. What should drive you further? Wealth? Fame? I feel whatever you define for yourself, you ultimately want to win or be victorious. If you think you want more money, you will not stop until you win i.e. you get more money. Now, since there is no limit of the amount of wealth you can accumulate, you can continue winning. Let's suppose you lose a lot of money in the process and get into an emotional turmoil, what brings you back on your feet? The feeling of victory again pushes you towards getting what you want in life. Nobody, yes nobody likes losing. 

Okay, now you might say, what about someone like Mother Teresa? Do you think she was driven by victory? Of course! She wanted to help the needy. She was compassionate about serving the poor. Do you think she sat quietly after helping a few people? No. She went about doing this her entire life. Taking someone from the poorest of the poor and helping them is the biggest victory in life. It's about winning over yourself. Not everyone has the capability and the capacity to do this. 

Yes, now there are some exceptions that you might think. Like, let's suppose someone has lost everyone in his life and thinks that he has lost all his hope in life. His love betrayed him, his family was killed by terrorists, his wealth was lost, so what keeps him alive? What drives him? It's his victory over death that keeps him alive. He has a hope of something changing for him, a phase shift that would occur in his life. Hope is a byproduct or a process of reaching that achievement or feeling victorious. If he doesn't want to win over this situation, he would definitely think of not cheating death and take suitable measures, but I'm only writing about what drives us and not what doesn't. 

Killing someone is being victorious over someone or the sense of being the powerful, raping someone is the drive of sex, dating someone is the drive of sex, having multiple affairs outside your marriage is also driven by sex. Of course, sex doesn't only mean intercourse, it means you are trying to win over yourself and trying to be accepted by someone. This means you are trying to be victorious over that feeling of loneliness and have someone satisfy your physical needs. Yes, you need not be driven both by sex and victory. They are mutually exclusive. 

Arguing with someone is only the feeling of being victorious. You argue with someone to prove your point. You fight with someone on the road to prove that you are right and he was wrong with his driving; you want to win every argument. Humility is victory over ego, Happiness is victory over sadness. 

You might think otherwise and try to prove me wrong. So be it - that's your victory over me! 

The dead old habits?

I still remember the day I landed in Dublin Airport, all tired with the 4 hours wait at the Bangalore Airport and the 16 hour sleepless journey. I had no strength left to even pull out the trolley from the stack of trolleys at the airport and yet a faint smile appeared on my face, This is it I thought. This is what I came here for. To experience the comfort of being out of the comfort zone. Being born as an Indian male is the most embarrassing thing sometimes. You don't really get to know the truths about certain things. Mothers pamper you the most, followed by sisters trying to hook you up mentally with all the neighborhood girls, you just think that all you need for the rest of your life is a girl who will take care of everything for you. For the past one year, I kept thinking to myself that I was always a day scholar, never experienced hostel life, never moved out of the house for more than a few months, what do I really know about being independent? What do I know about being self made? What do I really know about myself and what I am capable of? When things go out of control, am I really ready for those changes? Now, is the time I thought to myself, to make some changes to the epicenter of my pampered ego. 

I wasn't ready as I came out of the airport. I was travelling from Bangalore which was at 35 degrees, to a place which rained whenever it wished to and enjoyed freezing me at 8 degrees. I was freezing and just had a pullover. Dumb Me! I was greeted by a friendly Taxi driver who drove as fast as he could, but spoke as slow as I wanted him to because it was tough for me to follow the accent. All my life I thought swearing was a bad thing until I realized it's not a big fuckin deal! Nobody gives a fuck, and everybody minded their feckin business here. 

Everyone acknowledged the presence of everyone else at work, like they knew everybody. It was a cultural shock for me, cause women say hello to you first, and my friends back home would go "Maga, who is that girl? Give me an intro" and I would be "Errr...Maga, let me get introduced to her first". You hold the door for someone who is coming ahead of you, or behind you, and I think to myself, I have banged my head at the door so many times in the office in Bangalore because of the guy who didn't care who was behind him. You say thank you to the bus driver while you get off, and why not, he drove you safely following the traffic rules. You cleaned the table with a paper napkin if your food fell and that would be at McD as well. The person at the cashier wished everyone a great weekend with a smile and you feel Yeah you deserve a break as well don't you? The way you drink beer, some pints of Guinness, and the way you laugh your gut out at jokes, makes me want to admire this place. The way you treat everyone like an equal and lose the status - the oblivion bubble you live in. Yes there are some junkie downsides to it too, but I just stated a few simple things which has changed a lot of my perspective about living in general. It would take a long time for people to adopt this in India. Imagine if you said hello to a stranger in India, even at your office, you would be looked at with suspicion. Now try that with a girl and see what happens. 

The point I'm trying to make is, you can learn how to cook if you never did, you can learn a language which you never knew, you could judge a prime minister when you are not one, but if you don't let go off a few things in your own life, mainly your ego, you will never grow up, you will only grow old. 

What should it be called?

You know, for a while now, I have been thinking about writing something concrete. Something that could be published. There is this immense pleasure when I see myself struggle to come up with ideas about what to write. Sometimes it takes me hours to even start writing a line about what I want to write. Maybe, this is the most fun part of it. Figuring out what I want to write about. They say the rest falls into place as you go along, but the beginning of the story is the most difficult to figure out. Well, you may ask, why is it that I want to write amidst this era of great writers emerging from India. There are somethings that I have daydreamed about for a long time. Back in the day, I could not walk into any book store, simply because the smell of books nauseated me. Today, I cannot imagine my life without books, or without walking into a book store to see the promotion of books or maybe even a book launch event. There are things that are making me write a book. Yes, I still don't have a concrete idea about writing it as well, maybe that's how it is supposed to be right now.

I know deep down, this is going to work for me. What should I call it will be completely an out of the blue idea. But, I can be sure that I am going to write something legitimate. Something with loads of facts that we generally miss out in our regular, mundane lives, and something that would be emotional, rooting it to me. I also think a lot if the protagonist should be based on me, well, that would be a mystery, until I actually etch out the initial plot. Well, I guess no one needs to be like me, and so I guess my imaginary idols, shall have an identity of their own. Saying all this, I would like to ask "What should it be called?" 

The wait..

For a while I have been waiting; for plenty of things to happen according to how I want them to happen. Well, after waiting for such a long time, I've never known whether I've waited long enough for it. Sometimes when you wait for something to happen it tears apart your instincts and the hope. Hope is such an entity which doesn't kill you while you live. It doesn't let you make those wrong moves. It doesn't let you think negatively for a long time either. The wait has taught me many things about myself. Firstly, it has taught me tremendous patience with myself and most importantly with other people. It has taught me to see good things in future for myself.  I have learnt that everything happens for the good, and everything always happens to teach us something. 

The wait has gifted me with the ability to not over react.  It has taught me obedience to situations around me. It has taught me to deal with people sailing in the same situation.  It has taught me diplomacy to an extent and how to deal with certain truths of life.  It has taught me to avoid certain aspects of future and handle the present with discipline.

The wait surely has taught me how to love better; be it myself or others. It is this wait which makes me grow and mature in future and helps me to thrive for more. Yes, it killed me from within, it questioned my loyalty and my ability to change, but I know the traces of this wait has given me people like me which I will cherish. 

Reflection in Motion

I was reading the book "Bring out the Magic in Your Mind" by Al Koran. I still haven't finished reading the book, but I know for sure that this is the best book I've ever read. This book gives a fantastic perspective about how life could be changed and I think if I apply this book well enough, my life's surely going to transform. Well while reading the book my mind said to me "You should go out for a walk in the morning tomorrow". This is a conversation that happened between my conscious mind (Mr. C) and my sub conscious mind (Me).

Me: I think I should go for a walk tomorrow morning.
Mr. C: Have you lost it? You haven't done it in ages. Why do it now?
Me: Look at the beautiful weather. Imagine how it would be in the morning!
Mr. C: Hahahaha... 

So, I command my mind to wake up and go for a walk in the morning.
It's 6 AM, my alarm goes off..

Me: Alright buddy, lets walk. 
Mr. C: Let me sleep for another half hour please. 
Me: Let's try..

I wake up, go to brush my teeth. Look into the mirror and smile. "Can I do it?"


Me: Come on! Let's do it. 
Mr. C: But why?
Me: There would be pretty girls out there. 
Mr. C: Ya, but with their moms protecting them.
Me: But that's still an incentive right?
Mr. C: Hahahahahah
Me: Hahahahahha
Me: Ok. Let's go. 

So I brush my teeth and pull out my tracks and get going. Looking at the little movements on the road, I wonder what people might be doing right now. Getting ready for the rat race I suppose. I know that there are atleast 20% of the people who decided the previous night that they would go for a walk and stayed back in their slumber. I felt proud. Just when I took the first left one dog came running straight into me barking. I froze.
Mr. C: Ya. So much for your pretty girls exploration.
Me: Get away dog.

So I continue walking after the dog gets bored of me and get into the gates of P & T quarters. I take a left on the road and see beautiful red flowers carpeted. This is what I wanted to see; Wish I had my camera right now. Expectations were set high to find pretty faces, but I end up finding no one below 35, just for the odd children who were playing cricket in the field with their RCB and KKR Tees. Ah the IPL fever still on.

Mr. C: So what do you want to do now Mr. Thinker?
Me: Think, ofcourse, and observe.
Mr. C: You wake me up at 6 in the morning to think and observe? You are one of the most horrible people I've met.
Me:  Okay, let us look around.. Shut your logic up.. 

I end up observing multiple people. There was an old man trying to jump on alternative legs and he was out of sync. It looked more like how we try to do multiple things at one time in life and end up looking funny to everyone else. Everybody's time bound - trying to get many things done in a short time. Some women wearing sarees and shoes were walking swiftly feeling proud of walking 4 rounds like it's a daily task to finish only so much. I hear them say with relief "If we take this left here it will be 4 rounds".  I also over hear some conversations where one woman was swearing at someone that it is going to be the end of it. Whoa! Not easy listening to murderous statements early in the morning.

Moving along I definitely found a couple of faces that I wanted to see. I wonder why are the earphones always plugged in. Talking to someone are you? Enjoying the cool breeze I keep my stride swift. I walk around to find some people exercising in the ground and stretching out their muscles. Now that's some place I want to get in a couple of days. Fit. I find another woman feeding bread to the dogs who were wagging their tails with some supreme amount of joy. There were a couple of old men walking along with a big fat stick pretty similar to a police lathi. The dogs were petrified looking at the stick.

I walk around into more secluded areas. I look around at the facades of the buildings. They are small, cozy apartments built, mostly made up of concrete. The small balconies overlook trees and the small roads. People in there are contented even though it's not luxuriously built. It reminded me of the Air India quarters in Mumbai where my cousins used to stay. Their balcony used to overlook a large field covered with grass. It used to look like heaven to me as a child. I think to achieve big dreams we need to start small. Constantly keep doing small things, and those lead to big dreams. We can't take giant leaps. We are bound to fall that way. Small steps are better. Push yourself to do the small things.

Mr. C: So what are you thinking? 
Me: Life is beautiful indeed. There could be multiple instances where you don't get what you want, but you end up with the hope that you will get it. It's just the belief you need to have every single moment of your life.
Mr. C: So you thought about this looking at all these people?
Me: Kinda yeah! Look at all these people. All are 35 plus. More than half of them are here cause their doctor told them to exercise and take a walk everyday. Though governed by someone else, which is okay, these people are out there trying to improve their health. There are a lot of them waiting to fall sick and then get out of their beds every morning.
Mr. C: Wow, I never thought of that. 
Me: Yes. There are struggles that everyone goes through. But, you end up telling yourself to wake up every morning and see it as a day of victory and hit it hard again.
Mr. C:  Can we explore a different place tomorrow? More trees, more fruits ? 
Me: You would never give up on that will you?
Mr. C: I get incentives while you think Mr. Thinker. 
Me: Haha.. Fine ... I'll listen to you as well. 
Mr. C: Can we go home now? I'm starving. 
Me: Food for your brain will always come after your stomach won't it ?
Mr. C: Absolutely. I have you for the first one. 

The closed distance

Was familiarity stricken,
but the realization crossed the meet...
we did meet, but yet did not.
conversations of plenty, some of fears..
smiles of abundance, and those of happy tears ..

When the distance didn't matter,
but only the matter did,
our talks of lives remained splendid..
Whatever we spoke, was from the heart,
connected our minds, and was no art..

The journeys were shared,
and the roads of philosophy met,
for your care, i am in debt..
the bonds shall prevail and the roads shall meet,
being with the best is always a treat...

The Channels

There comes a time in our lives where we find ourselves in multiple situations of frustrations. For example, people who stay far away from their work places are frustrated riding their vehicles for hours on the road. You'd want to just go home and crash. When you reach home, you would want to relax and recoup but you'd hear more annoying stories that happened during the day. You switch on the TV and they keep bombarding you with more negative. We sit and complain about the person who we don't even know, but do it anyway cause we think if we vent out everything would be okay, but don't realize that it keeps adding more to our irritation. Then there comes a point where you want to just get out of the city and go relax somewhere for a few days and forget about everything. When you move out of the city for a getaway, you face frustrations of inflation everywhere. Well, there can be more, but I guess you know where I'm heading.

There are multiple points in our lives where frustration creeps in, and the frustration definitely knows how to have fun with us. The root cause I would feel is where we have so fine tuned ourselves to keep complaining about things, that we have forgotten that there could be a possible solution. A solution would be as simple as making a conscious decision of not getting annoyed on the road. We have control only of our vehicles, and not someone else. Whatever should happen would definitely happen. You cannot control inflation by speaking about how it controls you, instead do something about it. Buy lesser things, save money until it subsides in your head. There are plenty of ways where you could find a solution. Like some of us maybe complaining right now about what I'm writing and as to how can there be a solution for everything. You're right. There cannot be a solution for everything, but there can be workarounds as well. The least I learnt being an engineer is to create a workaround for myself during certain situations. If something doesn't go according to my way, I would find a temporary solution to it. I read a quote recently "Happiness doesn't come to people who aren't satisfied with the things they currently have". So true. As human beings we constantly have this need to have more; which is fine to an extent, but it depends on how we make ourselves meaningful by wanting extra things. Maybe I'm also complaining to an extent in what I'm writing now, but I'm complaining that there need not be any complaining to do. We can find a solution. There's definitely a way out to everything.