Experience Uncertainty

A world of total chaos. Life seems so absurd sometimes. Especially when you have to make choices. Choices amongst absurd realities. Choosing between two different worlds suck the energy out of you within no time. What do you do then? Listen to your heart or to your mind? Or listen to someone else? Why is it so certain that it's gonna be uncertain? I'm not saying it has to be a Cake walk or easy to suit your situation. Why can't it be clear even if it is difficult? 

Guess, the choices are never clear. Guess it is always absurd. Guess that's the way it is meant to be. When people don't recognize you for what you are you feel like you're being pushed forcefully into thinking that you're not of any worth, but, it is easy to get out of it, cause you know what you're worth. Bank on your strengths and let go off the uncertainty. The mind is a powerful tool that creates such wonderful things. The mind has the capacity to learn new things and unlearn the things that are ingrained into us which is the root cause of all trouble. Let us look at the choices with a distinction between what you want, what you can do and what you should be doing. Then the choices seem clear. The choices are yours, they are never given to you by anyone else. Why not think prioritize amongst the choices laid in front of you, and learn about each of the choices? The choices have to be connected to your strengths. When you Understand the Uncertainty, you Unlearn the Unnecessary and are Certain to Choose wisely.  

Forgiving or Not forgiving? What's your choice?

Ever had a big fight with someone very close to you? How do you feel after the fight? Angry, disgusted, frustrated, bitter, betrayed, mistrusted etc? Every negative incident, be it a fight, a bitter experience with a parent(s), betrayals by friends or siblings, makes us feel uncomfortable and puts us into a totally negative world for at least a short period of time. Some people definitely take longer to recover and it's alright. Forgiving or not forgiving such people is totally our choice, but it definitely takes an effort to forgive someone. Some people choose not to forgive so that they don't have to relive the experience of the trauma or incident nor try to look into the perspective of the betrayer. It is a difficult process to forgive someone, as it takes our time, energy and also makes us relive the entire process of the incident. When you really want to forgive someone you must put yourself in the other person's shoes and see what kind of a life the person lived, how was his/her childhood, how does the person cope with situations, how does the person respond to others' emotions and feelings etc. This would give you a better feel of why did the situation arise and why were you affected by his/her behavior. This helps us in completing a process of forgiving. Reconciliation happens only when you have completed the forgiving process and have relived everything and experienced the pain all over again and resolved it in your mind. This process might take years, especially if the bonding has been very deep and you have been emotionally attached to the person be it by choice or by chance. 

 

The approach you follow to forgive someone can be different and is very individualistic. You can resolve things in your mind by having revenge in your mind against that person, expressing anger in the truest form, and letting go off the intensity of the betrayal. Always remember that no matter what, you have to either forgive a person fully or not forgive a person fully. Partial forgiveness or partial un-forgiveness is the most dangerous that would never help you grow over the matter and will always come in your way of the change. You are only cheating yourself about the forgiveness and trying to put a brave front in the society. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. If you forgive someone, it is for the benefit of your own emotions and feelings and not to please anyone else by saying "I'm fine. I have gotten over the incident." This leads to major complications and chances of repeating a blunder is high. It is better either to forgive i.e. relive all the moments of betrayal and all moments of truth and trying to justify the other person's behaviour or not forgive i.e. not having the will to forgive or not wanting to relive the bitter experiences and not think about it ever again.  

You would always find people who have different approaches to forgiving or not forgiving. Some people might react in the same way as they were betrayed, and feel a sense of achievement and some people might remain silent and solve things in their own mind. So the choice is really yours, but, you need to choose. You cannot be in a state of denial with respect to society. This suppression would lead to much more serious issues if not resolved. 

For more insights on this topic you could read "Forgiving and Not Forgiving - Why sometimes it's better not to forgive" by Jeanne Safer. 

I can be myself when I'm with you

How many times have you told this to someone who is dear to you? What does this really mean? Why is it that we get this feeling with only a few people and not with everyone we know? Even extroverts for that matter must have said this sometime or the other. This means that extroverts also have an introverted side to them. So coming to the point, what does it mean when I say "I can be myself when I'm with you"? My mentor once mentioned a very small point about a guy or a girl trying to  impress the other when they meet for the first time before their marriage, and I drove my thoughts in that direction. I tried to connect it to this topic and it made so much sense to me. I really can be myself with someone only when I'm trying not to impress that person. Every moment of our lives we are communicating with people of different status and we try to match theirs and try to impress them all the time. We can never be ourselves with such people. The way we talk to people, the way they talk to us, never can this feeling of 'being myself with you' come to light. This feeling only comes when you're actually trying to understand the other person for what he/she is, and not let your stupid thoughts of 'impressing' come in the way. When I sit silently for fifteen minutes with the person I love, I can actually feel the communication happening amidst the silence. This is true communication which is caressed by love and non judgement, and this is when you feel yourself with the person. You need not impress that person anymore. Just to prove that we're worth, we resort to some amazing things which are unimaginable. All of this is just a result of competitions, and the trait of impressing others which comes naturally to us, because we are all competing with each other to get the best. Out of a hundred people you know, there would be one or two who would ask you to "be yourself" or "Don't ever change". These are the few people who need you for what you are. Stick onto them. These are people with whom you can "be yourself"..