Virtual Inheritance


Remember the Object Oriented Programming where you have a Super Class and a Sub Class? Let's say the sub class is inherited from the super class. What happens now? The Sub Class has all the functions and variables inherited from the super class, except of course the private variables. Also, don't these classes have constructors and destructors? Isn't this an analogy to something that we see everyday - our lives? My parents inherited the so called "functions and variables" from my grandparents and I from my parents. Apart from the inheritance of tangible entities, we inherit "most" of our identity from our parents. Bringing back the analogy of virtual inheritance in computer terms, the Sub Class can also have functions and variables of its own. Similarly, we can differentiate ourselves from our parents or from any "Super Class" by one of the main functions known as our "Values". The Values that we form are partially inherited from our parents, but, mostly by ourselves - based on our experiences - either by observing or self exposure to elements that make us what we are. With this basic premise, we can easily conclude that no child is like the parents, or can be like the parent, even though the child acquires many things from her parents. Now since the child is not like the parent, why does a parent really try so hard to teach the child to be like him/her? Most of the parents don't remember what they did as a child, think that they are "grown ups" and teach a child values and ethics based on their experience that the child might not even get the head or tail of it and follow her own heart and mind. Why is it so difficult to be the Super Class and let the child choose all the functions from you and let her choose her own Values for herself? It's like saying Pranayama is good for your lungs and sneezing all the time. When you cannot do it yourself, don't preach!! Give options. Your experience definitely gives you the power to give your child the options and that is what the child would really take as a learning and inherit from you. Those are the real functions that are inherited from the Super Class.

Now imagine a scenario of multiple inheritance. There are 2 Super Classes and 1 Sub Class. Super Class A has a function of Anger and Super Class B has a function of Love. Now the Sub Class, by default has to take in both these functions. Imagine the chaos and confusion in the mind of the child when she receives constant anger from one parent and constant love from the other. Where is the balance? Where would she get the help from now? Instead of lamenting later on, the 2 super classes can be friend classes and inherit functions from each other and form a common Super class so that no concept of multiple inheritance can take place. A constant and persistent effort and a learning mind can do help with this and do wonders. Computer geniuses haven't yet devised a machine that can think better than the human mind. We have the power to create, and to destroy and this makes us better than any computer. Take small ideas and extrapolate them and expand the horizon of your lives.

Experience Uncertainty

A world of total chaos. Life seems so absurd sometimes. Especially when you have to make choices. Choices amongst absurd realities. Choosing between two different worlds suck the energy out of you within no time. What do you do then? Listen to your heart or to your mind? Or listen to someone else? Why is it so certain that it's gonna be uncertain? I'm not saying it has to be a Cake walk or easy to suit your situation. Why can't it be clear even if it is difficult? 

Guess, the choices are never clear. Guess it is always absurd. Guess that's the way it is meant to be. When people don't recognize you for what you are you feel like you're being pushed forcefully into thinking that you're not of any worth, but, it is easy to get out of it, cause you know what you're worth. Bank on your strengths and let go off the uncertainty. The mind is a powerful tool that creates such wonderful things. The mind has the capacity to learn new things and unlearn the things that are ingrained into us which is the root cause of all trouble. Let us look at the choices with a distinction between what you want, what you can do and what you should be doing. Then the choices seem clear. The choices are yours, they are never given to you by anyone else. Why not think prioritize amongst the choices laid in front of you, and learn about each of the choices? The choices have to be connected to your strengths. When you Understand the Uncertainty, you Unlearn the Unnecessary and are Certain to Choose wisely.  

Forgiving or Not forgiving? What's your choice?

Ever had a big fight with someone very close to you? How do you feel after the fight? Angry, disgusted, frustrated, bitter, betrayed, mistrusted etc? Every negative incident, be it a fight, a bitter experience with a parent(s), betrayals by friends or siblings, makes us feel uncomfortable and puts us into a totally negative world for at least a short period of time. Some people definitely take longer to recover and it's alright. Forgiving or not forgiving such people is totally our choice, but it definitely takes an effort to forgive someone. Some people choose not to forgive so that they don't have to relive the experience of the trauma or incident nor try to look into the perspective of the betrayer. It is a difficult process to forgive someone, as it takes our time, energy and also makes us relive the entire process of the incident. When you really want to forgive someone you must put yourself in the other person's shoes and see what kind of a life the person lived, how was his/her childhood, how does the person cope with situations, how does the person respond to others' emotions and feelings etc. This would give you a better feel of why did the situation arise and why were you affected by his/her behavior. This helps us in completing a process of forgiving. Reconciliation happens only when you have completed the forgiving process and have relived everything and experienced the pain all over again and resolved it in your mind. This process might take years, especially if the bonding has been very deep and you have been emotionally attached to the person be it by choice or by chance. 

 

The approach you follow to forgive someone can be different and is very individualistic. You can resolve things in your mind by having revenge in your mind against that person, expressing anger in the truest form, and letting go off the intensity of the betrayal. Always remember that no matter what, you have to either forgive a person fully or not forgive a person fully. Partial forgiveness or partial un-forgiveness is the most dangerous that would never help you grow over the matter and will always come in your way of the change. You are only cheating yourself about the forgiveness and trying to put a brave front in the society. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. If you forgive someone, it is for the benefit of your own emotions and feelings and not to please anyone else by saying "I'm fine. I have gotten over the incident." This leads to major complications and chances of repeating a blunder is high. It is better either to forgive i.e. relive all the moments of betrayal and all moments of truth and trying to justify the other person's behaviour or not forgive i.e. not having the will to forgive or not wanting to relive the bitter experiences and not think about it ever again.  

You would always find people who have different approaches to forgiving or not forgiving. Some people might react in the same way as they were betrayed, and feel a sense of achievement and some people might remain silent and solve things in their own mind. So the choice is really yours, but, you need to choose. You cannot be in a state of denial with respect to society. This suppression would lead to much more serious issues if not resolved. 

For more insights on this topic you could read "Forgiving and Not Forgiving - Why sometimes it's better not to forgive" by Jeanne Safer. 

I can be myself when I'm with you

How many times have you told this to someone who is dear to you? What does this really mean? Why is it that we get this feeling with only a few people and not with everyone we know? Even extroverts for that matter must have said this sometime or the other. This means that extroverts also have an introverted side to them. So coming to the point, what does it mean when I say "I can be myself when I'm with you"? My mentor once mentioned a very small point about a guy or a girl trying to  impress the other when they meet for the first time before their marriage, and I drove my thoughts in that direction. I tried to connect it to this topic and it made so much sense to me. I really can be myself with someone only when I'm trying not to impress that person. Every moment of our lives we are communicating with people of different status and we try to match theirs and try to impress them all the time. We can never be ourselves with such people. The way we talk to people, the way they talk to us, never can this feeling of 'being myself with you' come to light. This feeling only comes when you're actually trying to understand the other person for what he/she is, and not let your stupid thoughts of 'impressing' come in the way. When I sit silently for fifteen minutes with the person I love, I can actually feel the communication happening amidst the silence. This is true communication which is caressed by love and non judgement, and this is when you feel yourself with the person. You need not impress that person anymore. Just to prove that we're worth, we resort to some amazing things which are unimaginable. All of this is just a result of competitions, and the trait of impressing others which comes naturally to us, because we are all competing with each other to get the best. Out of a hundred people you know, there would be one or two who would ask you to "be yourself" or "Don't ever change". These are the few people who need you for what you are. Stick onto them. These are people with whom you can "be yourself"..  

I wake up looking at the unfamiliar ceiling,

The walls seem so unfriendly..

The eerie silence seems to talk to me..

I hear sounds of those familiar voices,

but they're so not here.. 

My right hand trembles,

and grabs onto a familiar hand,

to only realize it's my own left hand.. 

I remain vacuous,

as people here are not mine.. 

The day goes by and I feel safe..

The sun fills in their warmth..

I know the smiling face is with me,

as I see myself smiling along.. 

The unshaken support, the pride,

the spectrum of my existence,

the Strength of my mind.. 

the certitude of achieving myself...

the Love I feel as it always was..

I'm not just another brick in the wall,

I am what many cannot perceive.. 

I am the beautiful road that leads to me.. :) 

It was time...

My world sleeping, my mind awake.. 

My right hand trembled to the noise outside the gates..

I peered through the slightly opened window..

It was him... His face burning with rage..

He held a slit labrador's head..

His eyes blood filled.. 

I felt nauseated.. Sweat soaked..

He tapped the door with the head...

I turned around and screeched at my mirror image..

I tripped and fell on the edge of the table..

I screamed for help, to only realize I couldn't talk..

My larynx was dead.. I spewed blood..

Luna smiled at the blood on the black granite...

His job was done.. He knew it..

He laughed over my final rituals..

He had tears in his eyes as he laughed.. 

Black blood oozing out of his eyes.. 

I was gone and so was he... 

It is so easy to get disappointed.. It is so easy to get hurt... Why do we get hurt or disappointed? Is it just because we "expect" people to behave the way we want them to? If we do expect a way in which people must behave why do we say, "There's no one like me"? If someone disappoints us, we immediately think "this person is not worth the time i give.. ","Come on.. I didn't expect you to say that..."... What is this? We do believe no one is like us, but still believe in the fact that people will behave according to our expectations... Fair enough? What do we really want out of ourselves? Why am I so disppointed with life all the time? Keep out the expectations and life always looks good... It's a time consuming process and very difficult to keep up... You would falter, but believe in yourself... Expectations have a lot of tags attached.. Lack of space, Anger, disappointments etc.. We can't see beyond a point... Any negative feeling for that matter helps us in not seeing something concrete... We get hurt and don't let the other person speak at all... Just cause we expect the person to behave according to what we need, not how they actually want to behave... Criticism is always good to your living... People always criticise you... People observe a lot.. People assume a lot.. Only when we give a negative indication to a person will we receive a reaction with assumptions involved or with judgement... We don't realize that, cause we don't want to be proved wrong... EVER!!! We always people to live our way, cause we want to be happy.. Why can't there be a world full of love, caring and sharing and all the empathy that we need...? Why can't we give people what they need and give them our attention and watch what speak and maintain good relations.. ? We say a person is not good, just cause he/she doesn't cater upto our expectations.. :) I do it.. No denial.. but, this is what we're taught since childhood by everyone around us.. We're taught not to go near someone, cause he/she is not good... If we don't like someone, we make it a point to teach others and make them believe that the person is not good.. :) Expectations is one thing we need to get over.. People simply say "I have no regrets", but that's just satisfying yourself, it's just saying I have nothing to do with this... It simply means someone didn't cater upto your expectation, so you just ruin everything setup, and have no regrets... We need to grow, for others to grow... :) 

"Dude, I was hurt today by what you said".... How many times have we said this in our lives or thought about? Countless? Hurt? What was hurt? Do we really sit n think what was really hurt? Or was it how the person expressed his/her feelings?.. What is it ? Do we know it's the simple and plain 3 letter word which was hurt? Our 'ego'? So what does this 'ego' look like ? M. Scott Peck says there are 2 kinds of people, One are the 'Neurotics', these are people who blame themselves so much that they get used to blaming themselves for every problem and lead a horrible life, the other set the 'Character Disordered' people, these people blame only others for their problems and never will accept their mistake in the situation... So what's it like to see these people? How do you ever deal with the latter kind of people? Do you think they would ever sit in one place n think they can solve their issues by looking deeper into why the problem was there in the initial, and would they ever accept their mistakes? 

Why don't these people see beyond a certain point? It's simple again.. It's their 'ego' that stops them... So what is this 'ego' really? Who defines our ego? Other People? May be? Ourselves? Or do we define it under pressure of others? The latter's the problem... We always define ego with respect to others.. So why do we have this problem? Have we ever known that 'fear' could be the reason? Why do we get angry? Cause our ego is hurt, why does our ego get hurt when someone shouts at us? It's simply cause we 'Fear being dominated'.... Human beings easily tend to feel dominated by others and try to escape this problem... Deep down inside we know we would be dominated... When we always think someone would dominate us, we tend to try 'escape routes' or 'retorts'... When this becomes a part of our routine, we don't even realize all this and simply blame others for the misunderstandings... We don't even realize that this is ego... and we never realize that this a deep fear which we have never been able to get over... 

Face the Fear... Our fear defines the person we are... Whether we are neurotics or character disordered let us face the fear... Let us see where the fear emerges from, and once we know where it emerges from don't you think we can easily solve our fear and let go off our ego? 

Let me take the example again.. "I was hurt by what you said"... Why was I hurt? I was hurt cause in the same situation I would never tell such a thing... When I would never tell such a thing, I feel I am right.. When I feel I'm right I can easily see the other person being wrong... When I'm right and you're wrong I don't want you to tell me I'm wrong... :) So this is infact the 'fear of domination'.... We make mistakes... Let us allow people to make mistakes... Keep your ego away for a while... :) Teach that person "this is not how it should be dealt, it should be dealt in this way... " "This is what you could've or should've done.. " "This is wrong.. Let me share a few experiences on what happened when I said the samething to someone else"... These are ways we can calm others down... and calm ourselves down... When doing this you'd find Neurotics who would easily falter off a situation, you would find Character Disordered people who would never let go off their ego and would keep blaming you that it was not their fault... Stop getting afraid... You're 'not' being dominated... Keep assuring yourself that the ego is not hurt and empathize with the other person.. Deep empathy is needed to see why the other person is doing it, and why it should even hurt you or the 'ego' that is being defined at that moment..  The other person is just delaying the problem and blaming you, but when they 'do' realize it, it hits them hard... really hard... 

This is just one of the examples which I have learnt only recently and it works for me.. :) Maybe I'm leading an 'ideal' life, but it's definitely working and my fears are slowly vanishing... For Good, and for My Good.. :) The Neurotic in me doesn't fear the Character Disordered anymore :) 

How do you measure love? How different is love from any other positive feeling, let's say happiness? Is there a difference between love and happiness? What or how do you feel when someone says he/she loves you a lot, be it your mom/dad/friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/a child, what do you really feel? Happy? Then how different is it from happiness? I sat and gave it a thought, as to what could really be the difference, what could it be that when people say how much they love each other? what could it really be? Do they mean they are happy with each other? Satisfied with each other? Does everything have to end up being happiness? No? Let's just assume that you're sad, searching for a reason to smile, when someone who you deeply care for, or let's say you 'love' comes and tells you how much she/he loves you, do you feel like crying or smiling? When we say we have 'tears of Happiness', what does it mean? Why do we have to cry when we're happy? Is it love? Isn't the state of Contentment a deep sense of happiness where you need not smile fully, feel the love and feel good about yourself? If love is a bundle of Happiness(mostly), care, contentment, and other positive feelings, why aren't we taught love in schools, colleges and at homes? Why do we hesitate to express our love to the person of the same sex? Is it a bad omen? Do we have to be emotionally attracted to a person of different sex compulsorily? Why is 'love' the ultimate feeling? Why can't everyone love each other? Is it just our 'ego' stopping us ? Aren't we just being slaves to the society? Ofcourse you need not love everyone, people with various intentions exist, who can eat you up while you're sharing a dinner with them, but once we choose a person to be happy with, why does love become a barrier? Am I going to give anything more when I love someone? Am I going 'out of the way' when I love someone ? Am I going to be associated with negative emotions n feelings when I'm in love with someone? Aren't these emotions n feelings we've seen in people and then followed their trend? What holds us back? Why can't we give our 100% ? Why? The big question mark still remains? How is Love different? Why is it the 'mistaken' feeling? 

A detailed journey,

Our souls embraced..

the chaos seems distant now,

I feel touched..

I still remain the unhurt traveller..

the reassuring smile,

perpetually cute tantrums..

Let's fly into the deep blue skies,

Let's swim till the bed of the oceans,

Let's reflect each other,

like the sky and the ocean..

two bodies, two minds,

the twin bonding..

Both your hands fit into one of mine,

but just one of yours holds my life together..

Khoj

dhoondh rahe ho..

tum aadhi zindagi se khush the,

doosron mein apni baaki zindagi dhoondh rahe the?

kaun pasand kare tujhe ae naadaan,

jab poora na kar sake kabhi?

jab tu khush nahi,

teri khushi kaun dekhe?

ummeed ki naav chala rahe the,

jab pralay ki sambhavna thi?

naav ki neev ko pehle tu jod pyaare..

kiski soch ka tu ghulam bane re?

kaala saaya bana raha tu,

jab khud roshni hai tu...

baarah ghante, baarah mahine, baarah saal,

tere vishwaas ki sabak,

tere pyaar ka dilaasa,

khoj tu apne zindagi ka maksad,

khoj tu apne zinda hone ka ehsaas,

khoj tu apni pehchaan,

khoj ae khoj ke bhakt... 

It was a ride.. Lone soul to find life back within him.. The warm breeze, the dust, the negativity that blurred his vision.. The defense, the hatred, the guilt that made others grow, but him.. It was his decision to take this ride to a known far land.. The trust, made him see the place with his eyes closed.. The love, that made him ponder about himself.. 'Why not me?' is what he told himself.. Two arms and two legs moved, but his soul didn't.. His soul wanted to see the destination.. He touches the skies with his bare hands.. Familiar faces, standing beside him, though he has no one around him.. He doesn't stop.. He looks around.. He sees everyone there, but him.. He wants to see himself there, but the blurred vision forces him.. He fights his vision, his soul empowers his mind.. His vision comes back.. It's not blurred anymore.. He sees himself, happy, content, free... He's free from the shackles of negativity.. He loves the moment.. He finds peace instantly.. It takes a few seconds for him to realize he's back... He smiles.. Contented with the moment, his soul is pure now.. For how long though? For a long time he says.. He takes a deep breath and comes back.. Comes back to life, his soul now connected to his body.. The soul says "I'm home"... 

Aazaadi

chehre anek,

maksad ek..

likhte hain koi aur humari kahani,

likhne do, hoga mann unka halka..

soyi hai ye duniya, jaage hum..

band hai unke mann ke dwaar,

par kabhi band na kar payenge hum..

suryasth apni zindagi mein kabhi na aayega,

kyunki apna din wahin se shuru hoga..

kal dekhne ke liye aaj to khatam hone do..

aao is aazaadi ka jashn manaye hum..

is thandi hawa ka anand le..

sabhi tarah ke aansoo bahe,

par har dukh ko khushi se sahe..

har pal mein sau saal dikhe,

har kshan mein zindagi ka gyaan..

har jhonke mein aazaadi mile,

har ummeed ki buniyad badhe..

chehre anek,

maksad ek..

aao is aazaadi ka jashn manaye hum..

phisalti reth..

kyun kaste hain hum mutthi ko, 

jab do hatheli se zyaada samet sakte hain?

sargam pe taal bajti nahi,

ya to taal hoti hi nahi..

maano jaise bhanvre ras peena band karde,

maano jaise dil dhadakna band karde..

upar wala jaise haath chhod de,

jo chehre dikhte the,

woh bhi dhundle se ban gaye.. 

jab door door tak banjar ho,

to kaise zameen gol dikhne lagi?

toofan mein dhool jaise badhti gayi,

baarish mein boonde jaisi sookhti gayi..

kareebi pyaar pe rongte khade nahi hote,

khushi ke aansoo aankhon mein reh gaye..

kaale baadal aankhon pe chaye,

dukh ki odhni ne thandak se bachayi,

par kis khushi mein?

phisalti reth..

kyun kaste hain hum mutthi ko?

do hatheli hamesha zyaada samet sakte hain..

us pal ke intezaar mein jeete ho,

meetha hoga woh, ye to tum jaan gaye ho..

har roz ek naye khoj pe,

samet ke saari baatein dhyaan dete ho..

nanhe kanhaon se ghire rehte ho,

unke chote ungliyon mein duniya bhoolte ho..

woh pyaari si muskurahat hamesha rahe,

khushi tumse hamesha baatein kare.. 

baat baat pe shukriya ada karte ho,

khikhiyaake ke khoob maza lete ho..

samraaton ke kaal to baayan haath ka khel hai,

usme hasi ka to bada mel hai..

achchayi tere saamne masthishq jhukaye,

dosti naam ke pehchaan banaye.. 

kavitha likhke bade bhole bante ho,

ek samay pe paanch cheezon pe dhyaan dete ho!

This lovely little fort down the alley,

caressed by the only ally..

a fireplace always lit when it snowed,

an attic full of raw supplies..

a broken parapet, withered rampart,

which reminded him of the battle..

they tried to pull him down the throne,

he was valourous..

their naked swords,

blood dripping down the tip..

he couldn't stand their malignity,

trebuchets were at work..

they wanted him to be a part of them,

a villa that promised salvation..

he was unscathed..

but the darts poisoned him,

he was alone, in the dungeons,

he came out, revived.. 

he searched frantically,

for the attic, for his fireplace..

he looked out of the window arch..

they spat venom, held torches,

his heart belonged to the castle,

he felt his love for the place..

he felt a dry smile when he saw - 

that the armour would always guard him..