The dead old habits?

I still remember the day I landed in Dublin Airport, all tired with the 4 hours wait at the Bangalore Airport and the 16 hour sleepless journey. I had no strength left to even pull out the trolley from the stack of trolleys at the airport and yet a faint smile appeared on my face, This is it I thought. This is what I came here for. To experience the comfort of being out of the comfort zone. Being born as an Indian male is the most embarrassing thing sometimes. You don't really get to know the truths about certain things. Mothers pamper you the most, followed by sisters trying to hook you up mentally with all the neighborhood girls, you just think that all you need for the rest of your life is a girl who will take care of everything for you. For the past one year, I kept thinking to myself that I was always a day scholar, never experienced hostel life, never moved out of the house for more than a few months, what do I really know about being independent? What do I know about being self made? What do I really know about myself and what I am capable of? When things go out of control, am I really ready for those changes? Now, is the time I thought to myself, to make some changes to the epicenter of my pampered ego. 

I wasn't ready as I came out of the airport. I was travelling from Bangalore which was at 35 degrees, to a place which rained whenever it wished to and enjoyed freezing me at 8 degrees. I was freezing and just had a pullover. Dumb Me! I was greeted by a friendly Taxi driver who drove as fast as he could, but spoke as slow as I wanted him to because it was tough for me to follow the accent. All my life I thought swearing was a bad thing until I realized it's not a big fuckin deal! Nobody gives a fuck, and everybody minded their feckin business here. 

Everyone acknowledged the presence of everyone else at work, like they knew everybody. It was a cultural shock for me, cause women say hello to you first, and my friends back home would go "Maga, who is that girl? Give me an intro" and I would be "Errr...Maga, let me get introduced to her first". You hold the door for someone who is coming ahead of you, or behind you, and I think to myself, I have banged my head at the door so many times in the office in Bangalore because of the guy who didn't care who was behind him. You say thank you to the bus driver while you get off, and why not, he drove you safely following the traffic rules. You cleaned the table with a paper napkin if your food fell and that would be at McD as well. The person at the cashier wished everyone a great weekend with a smile and you feel Yeah you deserve a break as well don't you? The way you drink beer, some pints of Guinness, and the way you laugh your gut out at jokes, makes me want to admire this place. The way you treat everyone like an equal and lose the status - the oblivion bubble you live in. Yes there are some junkie downsides to it too, but I just stated a few simple things which has changed a lot of my perspective about living in general. It would take a long time for people to adopt this in India. Imagine if you said hello to a stranger in India, even at your office, you would be looked at with suspicion. Now try that with a girl and see what happens. 

The point I'm trying to make is, you can learn how to cook if you never did, you can learn a language which you never knew, you could judge a prime minister when you are not one, but if you don't let go off a few things in your own life, mainly your ego, you will never grow up, you will only grow old. 

What should it be called?

You know, for a while now, I have been thinking about writing something concrete. Something that could be published. There is this immense pleasure when I see myself struggle to come up with ideas about what to write. Sometimes it takes me hours to even start writing a line about what I want to write. Maybe, this is the most fun part of it. Figuring out what I want to write about. They say the rest falls into place as you go along, but the beginning of the story is the most difficult to figure out. Well, you may ask, why is it that I want to write amidst this era of great writers emerging from India. There are somethings that I have daydreamed about for a long time. Back in the day, I could not walk into any book store, simply because the smell of books nauseated me. Today, I cannot imagine my life without books, or without walking into a book store to see the promotion of books or maybe even a book launch event. There are things that are making me write a book. Yes, I still don't have a concrete idea about writing it as well, maybe that's how it is supposed to be right now.

I know deep down, this is going to work for me. What should I call it will be completely an out of the blue idea. But, I can be sure that I am going to write something legitimate. Something with loads of facts that we generally miss out in our regular, mundane lives, and something that would be emotional, rooting it to me. I also think a lot if the protagonist should be based on me, well, that would be a mystery, until I actually etch out the initial plot. Well, I guess no one needs to be like me, and so I guess my imaginary idols, shall have an identity of their own. Saying all this, I would like to ask "What should it be called?" 

The wait..

For a while I have been waiting; for plenty of things to happen according to how I want them to happen. Well, after waiting for such a long time, I've never known whether I've waited long enough for it. Sometimes when you wait for something to happen it tears apart your instincts and the hope. Hope is such an entity which doesn't kill you while you live. It doesn't let you make those wrong moves. It doesn't let you think negatively for a long time either. The wait has taught me many things about myself. Firstly, it has taught me tremendous patience with myself and most importantly with other people. It has taught me to see good things in future for myself.  I have learnt that everything happens for the good, and everything always happens to teach us something. 

The wait has gifted me with the ability to not over react.  It has taught me obedience to situations around me. It has taught me to deal with people sailing in the same situation.  It has taught me diplomacy to an extent and how to deal with certain truths of life.  It has taught me to avoid certain aspects of future and handle the present with discipline.

The wait surely has taught me how to love better; be it myself or others. It is this wait which makes me grow and mature in future and helps me to thrive for more. Yes, it killed me from within, it questioned my loyalty and my ability to change, but I know the traces of this wait has given me people like me which I will cherish. 

Reflection in Motion

I was reading the book "Bring out the Magic in Your Mind" by Al Koran. I still haven't finished reading the book, but I know for sure that this is the best book I've ever read. This book gives a fantastic perspective about how life could be changed and I think if I apply this book well enough, my life's surely going to transform. Well while reading the book my mind said to me "You should go out for a walk in the morning tomorrow". This is a conversation that happened between my conscious mind (Mr. C) and my sub conscious mind (Me).

Me: I think I should go for a walk tomorrow morning.
Mr. C: Have you lost it? You haven't done it in ages. Why do it now?
Me: Look at the beautiful weather. Imagine how it would be in the morning!
Mr. C: Hahahaha... 

So, I command my mind to wake up and go for a walk in the morning.
It's 6 AM, my alarm goes off..

Me: Alright buddy, lets walk. 
Mr. C: Let me sleep for another half hour please. 
Me: Let's try..

I wake up, go to brush my teeth. Look into the mirror and smile. "Can I do it?"


Me: Come on! Let's do it. 
Mr. C: But why?
Me: There would be pretty girls out there. 
Mr. C: Ya, but with their moms protecting them.
Me: But that's still an incentive right?
Mr. C: Hahahahahah
Me: Hahahahahha
Me: Ok. Let's go. 

So I brush my teeth and pull out my tracks and get going. Looking at the little movements on the road, I wonder what people might be doing right now. Getting ready for the rat race I suppose. I know that there are atleast 20% of the people who decided the previous night that they would go for a walk and stayed back in their slumber. I felt proud. Just when I took the first left one dog came running straight into me barking. I froze.
Mr. C: Ya. So much for your pretty girls exploration.
Me: Get away dog.

So I continue walking after the dog gets bored of me and get into the gates of P & T quarters. I take a left on the road and see beautiful red flowers carpeted. This is what I wanted to see; Wish I had my camera right now. Expectations were set high to find pretty faces, but I end up finding no one below 35, just for the odd children who were playing cricket in the field with their RCB and KKR Tees. Ah the IPL fever still on.

Mr. C: So what do you want to do now Mr. Thinker?
Me: Think, ofcourse, and observe.
Mr. C: You wake me up at 6 in the morning to think and observe? You are one of the most horrible people I've met.
Me:  Okay, let us look around.. Shut your logic up.. 

I end up observing multiple people. There was an old man trying to jump on alternative legs and he was out of sync. It looked more like how we try to do multiple things at one time in life and end up looking funny to everyone else. Everybody's time bound - trying to get many things done in a short time. Some women wearing sarees and shoes were walking swiftly feeling proud of walking 4 rounds like it's a daily task to finish only so much. I hear them say with relief "If we take this left here it will be 4 rounds".  I also over hear some conversations where one woman was swearing at someone that it is going to be the end of it. Whoa! Not easy listening to murderous statements early in the morning.

Moving along I definitely found a couple of faces that I wanted to see. I wonder why are the earphones always plugged in. Talking to someone are you? Enjoying the cool breeze I keep my stride swift. I walk around to find some people exercising in the ground and stretching out their muscles. Now that's some place I want to get in a couple of days. Fit. I find another woman feeding bread to the dogs who were wagging their tails with some supreme amount of joy. There were a couple of old men walking along with a big fat stick pretty similar to a police lathi. The dogs were petrified looking at the stick.

I walk around into more secluded areas. I look around at the facades of the buildings. They are small, cozy apartments built, mostly made up of concrete. The small balconies overlook trees and the small roads. People in there are contented even though it's not luxuriously built. It reminded me of the Air India quarters in Mumbai where my cousins used to stay. Their balcony used to overlook a large field covered with grass. It used to look like heaven to me as a child. I think to achieve big dreams we need to start small. Constantly keep doing small things, and those lead to big dreams. We can't take giant leaps. We are bound to fall that way. Small steps are better. Push yourself to do the small things.

Mr. C: So what are you thinking? 
Me: Life is beautiful indeed. There could be multiple instances where you don't get what you want, but you end up with the hope that you will get it. It's just the belief you need to have every single moment of your life.
Mr. C: So you thought about this looking at all these people?
Me: Kinda yeah! Look at all these people. All are 35 plus. More than half of them are here cause their doctor told them to exercise and take a walk everyday. Though governed by someone else, which is okay, these people are out there trying to improve their health. There are a lot of them waiting to fall sick and then get out of their beds every morning.
Mr. C: Wow, I never thought of that. 
Me: Yes. There are struggles that everyone goes through. But, you end up telling yourself to wake up every morning and see it as a day of victory and hit it hard again.
Mr. C:  Can we explore a different place tomorrow? More trees, more fruits ? 
Me: You would never give up on that will you?
Mr. C: I get incentives while you think Mr. Thinker. 
Me: Haha.. Fine ... I'll listen to you as well. 
Mr. C: Can we go home now? I'm starving. 
Me: Food for your brain will always come after your stomach won't it ?
Mr. C: Absolutely. I have you for the first one. 

The closed distance

Was familiarity stricken,
but the realization crossed the meet...
we did meet, but yet did not.
conversations of plenty, some of fears..
smiles of abundance, and those of happy tears ..

When the distance didn't matter,
but only the matter did,
our talks of lives remained splendid..
Whatever we spoke, was from the heart,
connected our minds, and was no art..

The journeys were shared,
and the roads of philosophy met,
for your care, i am in debt..
the bonds shall prevail and the roads shall meet,
being with the best is always a treat...

The Channels

There comes a time in our lives where we find ourselves in multiple situations of frustrations. For example, people who stay far away from their work places are frustrated riding their vehicles for hours on the road. You'd want to just go home and crash. When you reach home, you would want to relax and recoup but you'd hear more annoying stories that happened during the day. You switch on the TV and they keep bombarding you with more negative. We sit and complain about the person who we don't even know, but do it anyway cause we think if we vent out everything would be okay, but don't realize that it keeps adding more to our irritation. Then there comes a point where you want to just get out of the city and go relax somewhere for a few days and forget about everything. When you move out of the city for a getaway, you face frustrations of inflation everywhere. Well, there can be more, but I guess you know where I'm heading.

There are multiple points in our lives where frustration creeps in, and the frustration definitely knows how to have fun with us. The root cause I would feel is where we have so fine tuned ourselves to keep complaining about things, that we have forgotten that there could be a possible solution. A solution would be as simple as making a conscious decision of not getting annoyed on the road. We have control only of our vehicles, and not someone else. Whatever should happen would definitely happen. You cannot control inflation by speaking about how it controls you, instead do something about it. Buy lesser things, save money until it subsides in your head. There are plenty of ways where you could find a solution. Like some of us maybe complaining right now about what I'm writing and as to how can there be a solution for everything. You're right. There cannot be a solution for everything, but there can be workarounds as well. The least I learnt being an engineer is to create a workaround for myself during certain situations. If something doesn't go according to my way, I would find a temporary solution to it. I read a quote recently "Happiness doesn't come to people who aren't satisfied with the things they currently have". So true. As human beings we constantly have this need to have more; which is fine to an extent, but it depends on how we make ourselves meaningful by wanting extra things. Maybe I'm also complaining to an extent in what I'm writing now, but I'm complaining that there need not be any complaining to do. We can find a solution. There's definitely a way out to everything.

Juxtaposing

I tried...
Looking at different angles of life,
through prisms, through lenses,
through eyes of others, through silence,
through the chasms of complications,
through the breeze of serenity...

The eeriness of everything, of paths,
the friendliness of faces on the streets,
the breaths of little angels on my cheeks,
the pets of faith and loyalty,
the hands of love and joy...

The complexity increased, just in me,
the questions bounced back, at my face,
the answers were still stored in the attic,
the stairs led me to the haven of discomfort,
the majestic sun seemed a little too dark...

Kept seeking as the fighter that I was,
Pretty much like a motion picture,
the reel unveiled the story one by one,
It asked me to let go, love without boundaries,
It asked me to see without curtains of hate..

It had no language of wisdom,
though so wise that I cherished,
live the moments of joy and distaste,
live the world outside your head,
live the moments of death and life..

Go Easy with Life

Many might not know about the "Johari Window". Google it. I was just going through it again recently, trying to identify my blind spots. They say when you seek answers, miraculously they alive come in some form or the other. One of my blind spots pointed out by a friend is that I take life seriously, but I guess things change, and they should. Change is inevitable and we must all agree, change happens everyday. So is change for good or for bad? 80% of the human beings don't realize change is for good. Don't worry, if you have realized it, you are not in the 80%.

So why did I take life seriously? To be honest. No clue. I guess there are some experiences with life and relationships that we try to push them to the limits, they break apart and they make us serious. Some things don't work out for us, and we keep playing the same record over and over again in the mind that makes us do things at times that do not work in our favour. Simplicity is complex enough by itself, but the issue really is that we end up thinking too much about making it simple, that it gets complicated. Like for example, some simple daily decisions which might help us lead a simple life. Like, listening to your favourite songs which brighten up your mood. Daily discipline has been an improbable topic for me. I wonder how some people have the patience to sit and do things and everyday - see?, This is how I complicate it. Why think about it? Do it mate! The reason I might not do it, is because I don't believe it'll work for me. Actions create habits, and trust me, we don't have any hiccups in liking our habits. We do them day in and out and enjoy doing them, be it good or bad. Rather I would say, we don't have a choice but to follow those habits diligently. Wrong? Then why are we bad at breaking our habits apart? Mood? Mental strength? Probably taking life seriously was a habit with me, so have I realized it now? What am I going to do about it? To be honest, I had to think about it, think deeply as to why I do it, some of them have promised me to help me out with it, I guess they will, cause I have given in to work on it. Is it going to be easy? I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be simple. Is there a difference there? Would definitely like to thank my friend for making me realize it, probably those interesting conversations did the magic. "Listen to your favourite song in the morning everyday, and your day would be great", I did it this morning, the day went great. "Faith is belief in the unseen", and I am banking on my faith. 

Dastak

Pag pag se raah sudhaarun,
uljhe uljhe se vichar suljhaun..
ye dwaar pe kiski ab dastak,
nyota bina, bhent saath padhare..
apni hi parchayi si dikhti
mud ke bhi dekhoon na..
apni hi soch se main waaqif nahi,
is baar vehem ki gunjaaish nahi,
ruka main teri manzar pe,
teri soch bhi chhede mujhe..
thak bhi jaaon, lafz badhe,
raaz un saanson ke alfaaz,
taqt pe jawabon ka guchcha..
hasi mein chupi muskaan bane,
milan ka sandesha ab gumraah nahi..

Shukriya

ae dost, teri mehek si lage,
jab koi na ho, tu dikhe..
darr ho, pyaar ho, tu saath har pal,
soch se bhi tu aage, ye mera phal..

teri dhwani bhi prakashit kare,
jo roye mera dil udaas,
mude hue raston mein saath chale,
manzil ke har dwaar hai ab khule..

haath thaame bina tu haath thame,
khushi ko bhi kabhi kabhi mehsoos.
lafzon se dosti ke anek rang dikhaye,
mann mein mehetv ka deep jalaye..

dhanya hoon, mere jaise mujhe mile,
lage teri marham si baatein..
chhaap chhode jo samudr ke kinaare,
sagar bhi teri dosti ko pranaam kare..

Wish I had a time machine

The quote which is on top of my mind right now "In life, God gives us what we deserve, not what we need". Slap on the face right? At least for me it is. Right now I feel like owning a time machine, and going back in time and creating some of these characters whom I know right now. Wish, they were there some years back, life would have been different, but again, I deserve them now, I didn't deserve them before. Some really really interesting people whom I bumped into recently. Why weren't they in my school, in my tuitions, in my college? But then again, what did I do with the people who were there with me in those days? Do I have them now? Do I love them now? They say, when you meet the right person, the bell will ring. I guess it rang, but wish it rang a few years ago. Why do I say that? It's so freakin uncertain you don't know what to do with the bell. The inner voice pushes you, but the mind says "Hold on mate, do your analysis". Enough of this "Paralysis of Analysis". Wish I could take some people and put them through this crystal ball and see if the bell that rang was right.

The bell will keep ringing, do I really deserve them, or more so, having the self image that I have, Do they deserve me? Someone who is so keen in knowing "The Self" so much that it kills him everyday, will he get someone like him? Will he ever meet someone who is as competent with "The Self"? Will he ever get someone who sees the smile of a person and knows through and through what the other person might be like? Place in the pieces of the jigsaw and finally understand why he did what he did. All you find him doing is asking questions. He's intimidated by competition. He doesn't like it, but it pushes him to explore more. The mirror is his best friend. The smile in the mirror is what he has learnt to perfect. Will he ever find someone like him?

I shook hands with a few people who looked like me. They were deceivingly slow for my pace. So what, you may ask? You speak to me about life, and I'll sound like a 40 year old. I'm already almost half my life ahead in thoughts, so I need someone to run along with me. You might be intimidated by my character. Some might get "impressed". No, I'm not in this world to impress anyone, I don't need to. Beyond all the impression that you have, the expression matters the most to me. Listen to what I'm saying. You put me through a crystal ball and see my past. Growth has been my agenda. Growth has to be a daily thing, like bath, else you stink anyway. You speak to me, and I know what kind of books you read, I know how much you are not influenced by someone like a John Maxwell or a David Schwartz or a Richard Branson. I know that a magic spell from a book for some is more influential than a person who is willing to pour out his or her life into you. Wish I had a time machine, no it's not late, I just wish I had a time machine to see what your life has been like. What were your friends like, what was your environment like, whether your soil has been fertile enough to take in the seeds of love and contentment which you will receive, whether you can respect what I've been through. If you are like me, even what I was like 6 years before today, you will have me. Rest assured. 

muskurati lamhe

Baat chede tujhse akele mein,
phadphadain palkein, ki nam hui..
hashr ab bebas paa liya,
khushi ab choome mere honth...

muskaan ki ab aadat si ho gayi,
dil dhadke to bas tera naam..
dost bhi ab chede natkhat,
bas karde ab usko bayaan..

darr se kabhi saans thame,
usi darr ne aansoo pee..
koi le na jaye ye lamhe,
jo kiya maine khud se hi pyaar..

paaoonga ye ujwalit si kiran,
cheenunga, karoon tujhe bhi bebas,
shaurya ab mera bhi mann..
sapne bhi ab saath mere,
eshwar hi ye ishara kare..
is lamhe ko na doonga dhokha,
jab har pal mein tujhko hai dekha...

The Empty Deal

In the colourless paths of darkness,
I see your eyes hunting for love.
Ecstasy in loneliness you once sought,
are seeking arms of care now.

The sisters of malice empty their cup,
To pour some of your blood.
You scream that you are left alone,
and your foe seems like your bud.

You hide midst the crowd,
Looking for a safe pair of eyes.
Swords of words they fence with,
fearful are their hoarse cries.

You run from thoughts to thoughts,
Your emotions are indifferent to feel.
You wait for the waves to wash you off,
cause you are just an empty deal.

Sheesha

ग़म की नदियाँ जब सूख जाए
आंसू भी प्यार से डरे
बादलों में छिपी तेरी उस मुस्कुराहट,
ओस की बरसात जैसे बिखरे

स्थिर जल में खुशियों के नाव चलें
मोड़ दे लेहेरों की हर दिशा
आँखों में तेरी मोहब्बत के दीप
अब तो बस होना है नशा

वादियों के ठंडे झोंके
मेरे रूह के प्यास बुझाये
पिघलती बरफ ने तुझे ओझल किया
ये फिर से क्यूँ है ग़म छाए?

मिलन की धूप का उदय होगा
तन्हाई में कभी न कटेंगी ये बरसात
हवाओं में वो भीनी सी महक तेरी
रहेगा हमेशा मेरे ही साथ

The Barber's Mirror

Reflections… Millions of perceptions
Of me
Of my own being, of being myself
The facets of awareness,
And the facades
A journey to put the million pieces together,
A journey that may never complete…
To seek and to be sought after…
The perfurmed environs so sweet,
The endless list of comforts…
It just takes a minute to reflect upon…
To be where I am, to do what I do…
Just relax and sit there,
Look at the reflections,
Of me
And see if it adds up to what I am…

The Infinite Staircase

Had a tough day. Did all that I had to during the day, did my work at office, met some important people, met my mentors and was returning home.. After a couple of calls from home, I decided to speed up a little bit. The thing about riding back home post 11:00 PM is that there is not much of people involvement - be it the traffic, the pedestrians or the most irritating honking of the impatient drivers. You are with yourself, or more importantly I was with myself. Or was I? I enjoy the cool Bangalore breeze riding back with little water droplets pouring from the sky. "I don't want to get wet" I prayed to the rain God. I smelt the remnants of the deep fried gram flour from the half opened tea stall. I felt slightly nervous when I saw a pack of four dogs about to start a "Let's bark at at all two wheelers and scare them to shit" campaign.. I suddenly remembered what I tried couple of days back. I honked at the dogs and to my surprise they actually stepped back. I was relieved. My friend tells me to stop the bike when I encounter a pack of dogs... The tenacious me always does the opposite. I glanced at the fuel tank and just hope that I reach home. My Activa has always been with me through thick and thin and has run on fumes, smokes when it has to run on fuel. I reflect on things that I learnt during the day. Legendary coach John Wooden says "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts", and John Maxwell tells us that to continuously learn and win you need to "Prepare, Reflect and Apply". Call me an egoist, but I like winning. I mean who wants to lose in life? To win, I know it takes some sweat and that's what I do when I'm with someone I love and respect the most - ME. In reflection I realize I should not have done some things, and some things which I could improve upon. "Be impatient with self, but be patient with others" is what I read somewhere. I am 100% in the first half of it, but not even 20% in the second half of it.

I was enjoying the ride and wanted to slow down and not reach home yet, but then I also like my room, where the poster of the Eagle looks at me with anticipation. I am almost there. The dark skies remind me that I need to wait for the sun to show up for a fresh start. I slow down my bike and shut off the engine. My bike hums silently and the brakes are about to squeal. I stop. I get off the bike and my legs hurt. I bend down and massage my calf muscles and relax. I open the gates and suddenly a storm rushes behind me. The power goes off and I am unable to see anything. I try to start my bike for the headlights and it refuses to start. Empty tank! I flip out my cell phone from the pocket and try to find the stairs to go up. No use, the light's not bright at all. The moon sneers at me from behind the clouds and asks me to find my own way. I curse at nature and watch my feet. I still try to use my phone light and I can see the outline of a staircase. I look for the first step and see that it is a staircase made of black marble. It shone even in the dark. "Whose house is this?" I think to myself and hold myself back. "Do I live here?". My house has a staircase made of tiles, this is not my house. I get scared and start running towards the gate. The moon's aura from behind the dark clouds was daunting me. "Get out from there and help me out will you?" I thought with rage in my eyes. The gate seemed to be locked. "Who the hell locked the gates?" I screamed in a hush tone. Mustering some courage I looked back and saw the outline of the staircase again. The staircase at my house has about 20 steps but this one was going straight up into abyss. It must have taken a thousand construction workers to build this one. What was I getting into? Shall I step onto it? I remembered about the movie "Kung Fu Panda" and realized it's about "Belief". What you believe you can achieve. "This is not my house" says my mind, but I believe that it is my house and start to climb the stairs. I see a faint light at the top. That must be the answer to what I seek. The aura of that light was growing. My feet pulled me back. I slipped, my feet couldn't get back together, I was about to fall back. I held onto the railings tightly. "This is an indication buddy. Get out of here" said the big red dog in me. "No. Hold onto the railings and go up" said the meager white dog. Who do I listen to? "This is my house" I shout and start to move up slowly.. It might take me years to go up there, but I will. I will conquer all odds and fulfill what was put inside of me. I will take the infinite staircase and go up. The black marble reflects my image in every step. A faint red light illuminated below my feet. I did not look at it as I felt it was not important. I wanted to be engulfed in the bright aura at the top. "Inch by inch it's a cinch" I think to myself and slowly ascend.

The anonymous feeling

I wake up in the middle of the night bitten badly by a snake. A swift and a dark cobra that is waiting to steal my last breath. Panic struck I sit on my bed, remembering what went wrong in the day, that I need to see myself die in a dream? My blood rising to it's maximum, I silently look at the time on my cell phone. 12:00 A.M it reads. I've been sleeping only for 15 mins, I slept at 11:45. "Sleep Vinod, You're alive" says my mind, my heart still finishing the final 100m of the derby. It seemed like an eternal chase. A chase with my own self. My throat says "I've gone dry, pour in some elixir". I silently spring out of the bed towards the water jug and fill a glass of water and soothe my nerves. I hear soft snores from my parents' room. I smile to myself, maybe it was just a sign. A sign to shut myself from all negative and move on. I love the nights. I felt like sitting up all night and rediscovering myself. I switch on my laptop. I login to "Facebook", the response says "Page cannot be found". "I blocked the website" I think to myself, how dumb of me. I quickly go and unblock it. My mind pats my back saying "You suck at this self control thingy". I look into profiles of people whom I really like. Then I look into profiles of people whom I want to like and know, then I look at some pictures of my loved ones.. Happiness starts to speak to me like a long lost cousin. As a human being I discover my biggest strength and my biggest weakness are people and relationships. I get really attracted to people who have a great smile. I am turned off by people who smile cause it's an obligation. There are some who smile only to cameras. "Why aren't some people with me?". Some of my most dearest people have either moved out of my life, or out of this world. I cry with deepest emotions. The moist eyes blur my vision of the most beautiful smiles who I wish to see in front of me right now. They are not my friends yet, they will be. The dim light of my room makes me feel lonely. What made the snake bite me ? Why did I get this dream? I'm the kind who does not let a dream go waste. My dreams speak to me, my dreams tell me what I should correct. Where I went wrong. I trace back a couple of days and see if something could improve my situation. I lift my head up. I look up at the stack of books on my book shelf, 25 books lined up to be read. I read somewhere. It said "If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can steal it from him". So true. I invest into my head, my future. I am proud of my brain, my thoughts, my abilities. My ability to know people, my ability to get into anyone's life and know more about them. My passion about knowing people, my passion to get an entry into their deepest emotions. I fall in love with emotions of other people. When they speak with passion I have tears in my eyes.. When they speak with agony, I enter into their darkest dungeons. What is making me unhappy now? I definitely know what is adding fuel to the fire, but that's not the main reason. I have a discourse with my hippocampus, still unsatisfied cause it does not solve my purpose. A close friend of mine said "You know your situation, it is easy to solve this". Yes. Perfectly right. I am close to solving it, I usually am, but not near enough yet. Victor Frankl's book on my shelf screams out to me "Man's Search for Meaning". Yes. I guess I haven't figured it out yet. I know I need to take one step at a time. I know if I take care of the present, my future is taken care of. I am about to switch off my laptop, looking at the unknown smiling faces, I still sigh that they are not with me yet, smile to myself and tell my heart that I will set it right. My heart whistles at my mind asking it to switch it back to sleep. I sleep, still thinking about the unknown smiling faces. Inner Peace.

Glad to be alive in the era of amazing cricket. Here are the Top Ten Best Moments/Players for me. I don't want to order this, but just numbering it for convenience. These are the moments which I have witnessed. Not the ones before I was born.

1. India beating Srilanka in the 2011 ICC Cricket World Cup in Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai

It was a battle of the nerves. 98.2 overs played, and ultimately the team that was steady, composed, calm and waiting to do it for the little master won it. We had tears, shouted with joy and were relieved from the wait for 28 years

Some of the winning moments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwXg-urAzME



2. The Little Master's 200 in an ODI against South Africa.
This was a long wait again for everyone. It took him 442 innings to reach this milestone. "I don't think anyone can beat Saeed Anwar's 194" was the doubt in our minds. There were 2 players to do it, but only one to reach the magical 200*. Our hearts were beating when Dhoni was slaughtering the SA's from the other side. We were worried whether Sachin would get his strike and score that one run. He had to wait for more than an over to come on strike. He looked up into the skies thanking God and remembering his dad. His brother Ajit Tendulkar would be so proud that he gave India such a gem. I'm glad I'm alive to see him play.



Relive the moments here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7xpR6gNKRU&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpA2yyzPcOI


3. T20 World Cup 2007 - India Vs Pakistan
Couldn't have asked for anything better. India and Pakistan in a World Cup Final. Dhoni's boys were waiting to lift the cup in the first ever T20 World Cup. Joginder Sharma would have had his heart in his mouth when Misbah smashed him for a six. Sreesanth would have had his heart in his mouth when he almost fumbled with the catch of Misbah which won us the world cup. It was a commotion. India were waiting for Dhoni to do it again in the ICC World Cup 2011 and he did it. This was a proud moment nonetheless for Indian Cricket.



The winning moments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4HmAw3-kkM



4. Virendar Sehwag:

One of the best openers in the history of the game. A man who has the guts to smash any opening bowler for a six in the first ball of the first over. The only guy to have scored a 300 in Test cricket for India. Viru ki jai ho! He most definitely is one of my favourite cricketers of all times. I was very fortunate to have witnessed a match winning performance by Sehwag when I saw my first ever ODI at Chinnaswamy Stadium on March 25th, 2001, just a day before my 10th Std Mathematics Board Exams. He took 3 wickets and scored 58 of 54 balls coming at number 6.


His 300:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nyhb91gm3MM&feature=related


5. 6 Sixes by Yuvi in the T20 World Cup:

Flintoff ticked Yuvi and would regret for the rest of his life. Clean hitting at its best. I don't think anyone else could do it for India. Stuart Broad would have cried after he went back to the dressing room. Amazing shots. It was really exciting. All of us were at the edge of our seats when it was 6 6 6 6 6. When Yuvi smashed the ball over long on for the last 6, we were jumping with joy, clapping hard, shouting Yuvi's name and enjoying the fireworks in the stadium. The dug out was mind blown when Yuvi went for the Full Monty!



Relive the 6 sixes here and enjoy Shastri's commentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CorFRXp6EWs



6. Jonty Rhodes:
The man who changed the face of fielding in cricket. Yes, there's Yuvi, Raina, Kohli, Paul Collingwood, Mohd. Kaif etc, but we all know how Rhodes has turned around matches for South Africa. We all know how he has shown cricketers agility, flexibility, speed and swiftness on the field. Like Gavaskar says "Catches win Matches", who else could do it better than Jonty Rhodes!


















Superman Jonty in '92 world cup:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMHpZpwvPdM


7. Shane Warne:
The one who 'Warned' the batsmen with his presence. The tongue sticking out when he bowls, the wrist that stunned hundreds of batsmen. I still remember how all leg spinners when I used to play school cricket used to copy his style. Not one, not two, I had seen so many youngsters copy his action. The simplest bowling style, almost walking in his run-up (or should I say walk-up), and those magical deliveries. I have cherished his bowling thoroughly, and would definitely say one of the best bowlers I have seen. Very inspiring. Hats off to you Warne


The top 8 according to Warne himself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDqn043XhQ8


8. Muthiah Muralitharan:

800 test wickets. The record says it all. The ability to pitch the ball on the edge of the 22 yard and spin it into in the right handed batsmen and uproot the leg stump. Murali the unorthodox bowler, definitely is a terror for all the batsmen in the world. His hawk like eyes that concentrated on where to pitch the ball, magical wrist that turns a long way to bid adieu to the batsman on the crease, the ability to make millions of Srilankans smile. A true champion of the sub continent and a reason for many cricketers to become wrist spinners. Amazing Champion!















Some of his wickets:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f1gEcZkdAY

800th Wicket:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G83mwesFkj8



9. Anil Kumble:

The target was 420 for Pakistan. They were 101-0. Anyone would have thought, Pakistan would get this one easily with the incredible batting line up they had. Afridi, Anwar, Ijaz Ahmed, Inzamam, Moin Khan, Saleem Malik, Wasim Akram. It had to be an experienced bowler who could do it for India. Pakistan were all out for 207 from 101 for zero. 7 out of 11 batsmen couldn't cross the 2 digit mark. Feroz Shah Kotla experienced the best of the best.
Another match where he gets hit by the ball, comes back onto the field with a bandage wrapped over his head. Tremendously courageous.
6/12 in the Hero Cup Final in 1993 against the mighty West Indies. Hats off to Namma Kannadaga Huduga.



The 10 wicket haul:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jxSK-9HSlk


10. Rahul (THE WALL) Dravid:

I was a little confused. In a dilemma whether to keep Dravid or Lara in the top ten. With a little soft corner for Dravid, I chose him. Sorry Lara. The most stylish player of all times. Incredible cuts, those uber stylish pulls. I used to have goose bumps all the time he played that square cut. The ball spins around from the point area till the third man. The most amazing square cuts were from his bat! Our man - THE WALL. A salute to you Dravid. You have taken all sorts of nonsense in your career and yet haven't reacted a bit. A True Gentleman that the game has seen. Girls go gaga over him and why not, the smart and super cool player. I had the privilege to receive an award from him once, and see him play in the nets. Technique, Style, Composure..



His 270 vs Pakistan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6en6J2H9Des

Virtual Inheritance


Remember the Object Oriented Programming where you have a Super Class and a Sub Class? Let's say the sub class is inherited from the super class. What happens now? The Sub Class has all the functions and variables inherited from the super class, except of course the private variables. Also, don't these classes have constructors and destructors? Isn't this an analogy to something that we see everyday - our lives? My parents inherited the so called "functions and variables" from my grandparents and I from my parents. Apart from the inheritance of tangible entities, we inherit "most" of our identity from our parents. Bringing back the analogy of virtual inheritance in computer terms, the Sub Class can also have functions and variables of its own. Similarly, we can differentiate ourselves from our parents or from any "Super Class" by one of the main functions known as our "Values". The Values that we form are partially inherited from our parents, but, mostly by ourselves - based on our experiences - either by observing or self exposure to elements that make us what we are. With this basic premise, we can easily conclude that no child is like the parents, or can be like the parent, even though the child acquires many things from her parents. Now since the child is not like the parent, why does a parent really try so hard to teach the child to be like him/her? Most of the parents don't remember what they did as a child, think that they are "grown ups" and teach a child values and ethics based on their experience that the child might not even get the head or tail of it and follow her own heart and mind. Why is it so difficult to be the Super Class and let the child choose all the functions from you and let her choose her own Values for herself? It's like saying Pranayama is good for your lungs and sneezing all the time. When you cannot do it yourself, don't preach!! Give options. Your experience definitely gives you the power to give your child the options and that is what the child would really take as a learning and inherit from you. Those are the real functions that are inherited from the Super Class.

Now imagine a scenario of multiple inheritance. There are 2 Super Classes and 1 Sub Class. Super Class A has a function of Anger and Super Class B has a function of Love. Now the Sub Class, by default has to take in both these functions. Imagine the chaos and confusion in the mind of the child when she receives constant anger from one parent and constant love from the other. Where is the balance? Where would she get the help from now? Instead of lamenting later on, the 2 super classes can be friend classes and inherit functions from each other and form a common Super class so that no concept of multiple inheritance can take place. A constant and persistent effort and a learning mind can do help with this and do wonders. Computer geniuses haven't yet devised a machine that can think better than the human mind. We have the power to create, and to destroy and this makes us better than any computer. Take small ideas and extrapolate them and expand the horizon of your lives.

Experience Uncertainty

A world of total chaos. Life seems so absurd sometimes. Especially when you have to make choices. Choices amongst absurd realities. Choosing between two different worlds suck the energy out of you within no time. What do you do then? Listen to your heart or to your mind? Or listen to someone else? Why is it so certain that it's gonna be uncertain? I'm not saying it has to be a Cake walk or easy to suit your situation. Why can't it be clear even if it is difficult? 

Guess, the choices are never clear. Guess it is always absurd. Guess that's the way it is meant to be. When people don't recognize you for what you are you feel like you're being pushed forcefully into thinking that you're not of any worth, but, it is easy to get out of it, cause you know what you're worth. Bank on your strengths and let go off the uncertainty. The mind is a powerful tool that creates such wonderful things. The mind has the capacity to learn new things and unlearn the things that are ingrained into us which is the root cause of all trouble. Let us look at the choices with a distinction between what you want, what you can do and what you should be doing. Then the choices seem clear. The choices are yours, they are never given to you by anyone else. Why not think prioritize amongst the choices laid in front of you, and learn about each of the choices? The choices have to be connected to your strengths. When you Understand the Uncertainty, you Unlearn the Unnecessary and are Certain to Choose wisely.