Go Easy with Life

Many might not know about the "Johari Window". Google it. I was just going through it again recently, trying to identify my blind spots. They say when you seek answers, miraculously they alive come in some form or the other. One of my blind spots pointed out by a friend is that I take life seriously, but I guess things change, and they should. Change is inevitable and we must all agree, change happens everyday. So is change for good or for bad? 80% of the human beings don't realize change is for good. Don't worry, if you have realized it, you are not in the 80%.

So why did I take life seriously? To be honest. No clue. I guess there are some experiences with life and relationships that we try to push them to the limits, they break apart and they make us serious. Some things don't work out for us, and we keep playing the same record over and over again in the mind that makes us do things at times that do not work in our favour. Simplicity is complex enough by itself, but the issue really is that we end up thinking too much about making it simple, that it gets complicated. Like for example, some simple daily decisions which might help us lead a simple life. Like, listening to your favourite songs which brighten up your mood. Daily discipline has been an improbable topic for me. I wonder how some people have the patience to sit and do things and everyday - see?, This is how I complicate it. Why think about it? Do it mate! The reason I might not do it, is because I don't believe it'll work for me. Actions create habits, and trust me, we don't have any hiccups in liking our habits. We do them day in and out and enjoy doing them, be it good or bad. Rather I would say, we don't have a choice but to follow those habits diligently. Wrong? Then why are we bad at breaking our habits apart? Mood? Mental strength? Probably taking life seriously was a habit with me, so have I realized it now? What am I going to do about it? To be honest, I had to think about it, think deeply as to why I do it, some of them have promised me to help me out with it, I guess they will, cause I have given in to work on it. Is it going to be easy? I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be simple. Is there a difference there? Would definitely like to thank my friend for making me realize it, probably those interesting conversations did the magic. "Listen to your favourite song in the morning everyday, and your day would be great", I did it this morning, the day went great. "Faith is belief in the unseen", and I am banking on my faith. 

Dastak

Pag pag se raah sudhaarun,
uljhe uljhe se vichar suljhaun..
ye dwaar pe kiski ab dastak,
nyota bina, bhent saath padhare..
apni hi parchayi si dikhti
mud ke bhi dekhoon na..
apni hi soch se main waaqif nahi,
is baar vehem ki gunjaaish nahi,
ruka main teri manzar pe,
teri soch bhi chhede mujhe..
thak bhi jaaon, lafz badhe,
raaz un saanson ke alfaaz,
taqt pe jawabon ka guchcha..
hasi mein chupi muskaan bane,
milan ka sandesha ab gumraah nahi..

Shukriya

ae dost, teri mehek si lage,
jab koi na ho, tu dikhe..
darr ho, pyaar ho, tu saath har pal,
soch se bhi tu aage, ye mera phal..

teri dhwani bhi prakashit kare,
jo roye mera dil udaas,
mude hue raston mein saath chale,
manzil ke har dwaar hai ab khule..

haath thaame bina tu haath thame,
khushi ko bhi kabhi kabhi mehsoos.
lafzon se dosti ke anek rang dikhaye,
mann mein mehetv ka deep jalaye..

dhanya hoon, mere jaise mujhe mile,
lage teri marham si baatein..
chhaap chhode jo samudr ke kinaare,
sagar bhi teri dosti ko pranaam kare..

Wish I had a time machine

The quote which is on top of my mind right now "In life, God gives us what we deserve, not what we need". Slap on the face right? At least for me it is. Right now I feel like owning a time machine, and going back in time and creating some of these characters whom I know right now. Wish, they were there some years back, life would have been different, but again, I deserve them now, I didn't deserve them before. Some really really interesting people whom I bumped into recently. Why weren't they in my school, in my tuitions, in my college? But then again, what did I do with the people who were there with me in those days? Do I have them now? Do I love them now? They say, when you meet the right person, the bell will ring. I guess it rang, but wish it rang a few years ago. Why do I say that? It's so freakin uncertain you don't know what to do with the bell. The inner voice pushes you, but the mind says "Hold on mate, do your analysis". Enough of this "Paralysis of Analysis". Wish I could take some people and put them through this crystal ball and see if the bell that rang was right.

The bell will keep ringing, do I really deserve them, or more so, having the self image that I have, Do they deserve me? Someone who is so keen in knowing "The Self" so much that it kills him everyday, will he get someone like him? Will he ever meet someone who is as competent with "The Self"? Will he ever get someone who sees the smile of a person and knows through and through what the other person might be like? Place in the pieces of the jigsaw and finally understand why he did what he did. All you find him doing is asking questions. He's intimidated by competition. He doesn't like it, but it pushes him to explore more. The mirror is his best friend. The smile in the mirror is what he has learnt to perfect. Will he ever find someone like him?

I shook hands with a few people who looked like me. They were deceivingly slow for my pace. So what, you may ask? You speak to me about life, and I'll sound like a 40 year old. I'm already almost half my life ahead in thoughts, so I need someone to run along with me. You might be intimidated by my character. Some might get "impressed". No, I'm not in this world to impress anyone, I don't need to. Beyond all the impression that you have, the expression matters the most to me. Listen to what I'm saying. You put me through a crystal ball and see my past. Growth has been my agenda. Growth has to be a daily thing, like bath, else you stink anyway. You speak to me, and I know what kind of books you read, I know how much you are not influenced by someone like a John Maxwell or a David Schwartz or a Richard Branson. I know that a magic spell from a book for some is more influential than a person who is willing to pour out his or her life into you. Wish I had a time machine, no it's not late, I just wish I had a time machine to see what your life has been like. What were your friends like, what was your environment like, whether your soil has been fertile enough to take in the seeds of love and contentment which you will receive, whether you can respect what I've been through. If you are like me, even what I was like 6 years before today, you will have me. Rest assured. 

muskurati lamhe

Baat chede tujhse akele mein,
phadphadain palkein, ki nam hui..
hashr ab bebas paa liya,
khushi ab choome mere honth...

muskaan ki ab aadat si ho gayi,
dil dhadke to bas tera naam..
dost bhi ab chede natkhat,
bas karde ab usko bayaan..

darr se kabhi saans thame,
usi darr ne aansoo pee..
koi le na jaye ye lamhe,
jo kiya maine khud se hi pyaar..

paaoonga ye ujwalit si kiran,
cheenunga, karoon tujhe bhi bebas,
shaurya ab mera bhi mann..
sapne bhi ab saath mere,
eshwar hi ye ishara kare..
is lamhe ko na doonga dhokha,
jab har pal mein tujhko hai dekha...

The Empty Deal

In the colourless paths of darkness,
I see your eyes hunting for love.
Ecstasy in loneliness you once sought,
are seeking arms of care now.

The sisters of malice empty their cup,
To pour some of your blood.
You scream that you are left alone,
and your foe seems like your bud.

You hide midst the crowd,
Looking for a safe pair of eyes.
Swords of words they fence with,
fearful are their hoarse cries.

You run from thoughts to thoughts,
Your emotions are indifferent to feel.
You wait for the waves to wash you off,
cause you are just an empty deal.

Sheesha

ग़म की नदियाँ जब सूख जाए
आंसू भी प्यार से डरे
बादलों में छिपी तेरी उस मुस्कुराहट,
ओस की बरसात जैसे बिखरे

स्थिर जल में खुशियों के नाव चलें
मोड़ दे लेहेरों की हर दिशा
आँखों में तेरी मोहब्बत के दीप
अब तो बस होना है नशा

वादियों के ठंडे झोंके
मेरे रूह के प्यास बुझाये
पिघलती बरफ ने तुझे ओझल किया
ये फिर से क्यूँ है ग़म छाए?

मिलन की धूप का उदय होगा
तन्हाई में कभी न कटेंगी ये बरसात
हवाओं में वो भीनी सी महक तेरी
रहेगा हमेशा मेरे ही साथ

The Barber's Mirror

Reflections… Millions of perceptions
Of me
Of my own being, of being myself
The facets of awareness,
And the facades
A journey to put the million pieces together,
A journey that may never complete…
To seek and to be sought after…
The perfurmed environs so sweet,
The endless list of comforts…
It just takes a minute to reflect upon…
To be where I am, to do what I do…
Just relax and sit there,
Look at the reflections,
Of me
And see if it adds up to what I am…

The Infinite Staircase

Had a tough day. Did all that I had to during the day, did my work at office, met some important people, met my mentors and was returning home.. After a couple of calls from home, I decided to speed up a little bit. The thing about riding back home post 11:00 PM is that there is not much of people involvement - be it the traffic, the pedestrians or the most irritating honking of the impatient drivers. You are with yourself, or more importantly I was with myself. Or was I? I enjoy the cool Bangalore breeze riding back with little water droplets pouring from the sky. "I don't want to get wet" I prayed to the rain God. I smelt the remnants of the deep fried gram flour from the half opened tea stall. I felt slightly nervous when I saw a pack of four dogs about to start a "Let's bark at at all two wheelers and scare them to shit" campaign.. I suddenly remembered what I tried couple of days back. I honked at the dogs and to my surprise they actually stepped back. I was relieved. My friend tells me to stop the bike when I encounter a pack of dogs... The tenacious me always does the opposite. I glanced at the fuel tank and just hope that I reach home. My Activa has always been with me through thick and thin and has run on fumes, smokes when it has to run on fuel. I reflect on things that I learnt during the day. Legendary coach John Wooden says "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts", and John Maxwell tells us that to continuously learn and win you need to "Prepare, Reflect and Apply". Call me an egoist, but I like winning. I mean who wants to lose in life? To win, I know it takes some sweat and that's what I do when I'm with someone I love and respect the most - ME. In reflection I realize I should not have done some things, and some things which I could improve upon. "Be impatient with self, but be patient with others" is what I read somewhere. I am 100% in the first half of it, but not even 20% in the second half of it.

I was enjoying the ride and wanted to slow down and not reach home yet, but then I also like my room, where the poster of the Eagle looks at me with anticipation. I am almost there. The dark skies remind me that I need to wait for the sun to show up for a fresh start. I slow down my bike and shut off the engine. My bike hums silently and the brakes are about to squeal. I stop. I get off the bike and my legs hurt. I bend down and massage my calf muscles and relax. I open the gates and suddenly a storm rushes behind me. The power goes off and I am unable to see anything. I try to start my bike for the headlights and it refuses to start. Empty tank! I flip out my cell phone from the pocket and try to find the stairs to go up. No use, the light's not bright at all. The moon sneers at me from behind the clouds and asks me to find my own way. I curse at nature and watch my feet. I still try to use my phone light and I can see the outline of a staircase. I look for the first step and see that it is a staircase made of black marble. It shone even in the dark. "Whose house is this?" I think to myself and hold myself back. "Do I live here?". My house has a staircase made of tiles, this is not my house. I get scared and start running towards the gate. The moon's aura from behind the dark clouds was daunting me. "Get out from there and help me out will you?" I thought with rage in my eyes. The gate seemed to be locked. "Who the hell locked the gates?" I screamed in a hush tone. Mustering some courage I looked back and saw the outline of the staircase again. The staircase at my house has about 20 steps but this one was going straight up into abyss. It must have taken a thousand construction workers to build this one. What was I getting into? Shall I step onto it? I remembered about the movie "Kung Fu Panda" and realized it's about "Belief". What you believe you can achieve. "This is not my house" says my mind, but I believe that it is my house and start to climb the stairs. I see a faint light at the top. That must be the answer to what I seek. The aura of that light was growing. My feet pulled me back. I slipped, my feet couldn't get back together, I was about to fall back. I held onto the railings tightly. "This is an indication buddy. Get out of here" said the big red dog in me. "No. Hold onto the railings and go up" said the meager white dog. Who do I listen to? "This is my house" I shout and start to move up slowly.. It might take me years to go up there, but I will. I will conquer all odds and fulfill what was put inside of me. I will take the infinite staircase and go up. The black marble reflects my image in every step. A faint red light illuminated below my feet. I did not look at it as I felt it was not important. I wanted to be engulfed in the bright aura at the top. "Inch by inch it's a cinch" I think to myself and slowly ascend.

The anonymous feeling

I wake up in the middle of the night bitten badly by a snake. A swift and a dark cobra that is waiting to steal my last breath. Panic struck I sit on my bed, remembering what went wrong in the day, that I need to see myself die in a dream? My blood rising to it's maximum, I silently look at the time on my cell phone. 12:00 A.M it reads. I've been sleeping only for 15 mins, I slept at 11:45. "Sleep Vinod, You're alive" says my mind, my heart still finishing the final 100m of the derby. It seemed like an eternal chase. A chase with my own self. My throat says "I've gone dry, pour in some elixir". I silently spring out of the bed towards the water jug and fill a glass of water and soothe my nerves. I hear soft snores from my parents' room. I smile to myself, maybe it was just a sign. A sign to shut myself from all negative and move on. I love the nights. I felt like sitting up all night and rediscovering myself. I switch on my laptop. I login to "Facebook", the response says "Page cannot be found". "I blocked the website" I think to myself, how dumb of me. I quickly go and unblock it. My mind pats my back saying "You suck at this self control thingy". I look into profiles of people whom I really like. Then I look into profiles of people whom I want to like and know, then I look at some pictures of my loved ones.. Happiness starts to speak to me like a long lost cousin. As a human being I discover my biggest strength and my biggest weakness are people and relationships. I get really attracted to people who have a great smile. I am turned off by people who smile cause it's an obligation. There are some who smile only to cameras. "Why aren't some people with me?". Some of my most dearest people have either moved out of my life, or out of this world. I cry with deepest emotions. The moist eyes blur my vision of the most beautiful smiles who I wish to see in front of me right now. They are not my friends yet, they will be. The dim light of my room makes me feel lonely. What made the snake bite me ? Why did I get this dream? I'm the kind who does not let a dream go waste. My dreams speak to me, my dreams tell me what I should correct. Where I went wrong. I trace back a couple of days and see if something could improve my situation. I lift my head up. I look up at the stack of books on my book shelf, 25 books lined up to be read. I read somewhere. It said "If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can steal it from him". So true. I invest into my head, my future. I am proud of my brain, my thoughts, my abilities. My ability to know people, my ability to get into anyone's life and know more about them. My passion about knowing people, my passion to get an entry into their deepest emotions. I fall in love with emotions of other people. When they speak with passion I have tears in my eyes.. When they speak with agony, I enter into their darkest dungeons. What is making me unhappy now? I definitely know what is adding fuel to the fire, but that's not the main reason. I have a discourse with my hippocampus, still unsatisfied cause it does not solve my purpose. A close friend of mine said "You know your situation, it is easy to solve this". Yes. Perfectly right. I am close to solving it, I usually am, but not near enough yet. Victor Frankl's book on my shelf screams out to me "Man's Search for Meaning". Yes. I guess I haven't figured it out yet. I know I need to take one step at a time. I know if I take care of the present, my future is taken care of. I am about to switch off my laptop, looking at the unknown smiling faces, I still sigh that they are not with me yet, smile to myself and tell my heart that I will set it right. My heart whistles at my mind asking it to switch it back to sleep. I sleep, still thinking about the unknown smiling faces. Inner Peace.

Glad to be alive in the era of amazing cricket. Here are the Top Ten Best Moments/Players for me. I don't want to order this, but just numbering it for convenience. These are the moments which I have witnessed. Not the ones before I was born.

1. India beating Srilanka in the 2011 ICC Cricket World Cup in Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai

It was a battle of the nerves. 98.2 overs played, and ultimately the team that was steady, composed, calm and waiting to do it for the little master won it. We had tears, shouted with joy and were relieved from the wait for 28 years

Some of the winning moments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwXg-urAzME



2. The Little Master's 200 in an ODI against South Africa.
This was a long wait again for everyone. It took him 442 innings to reach this milestone. "I don't think anyone can beat Saeed Anwar's 194" was the doubt in our minds. There were 2 players to do it, but only one to reach the magical 200*. Our hearts were beating when Dhoni was slaughtering the SA's from the other side. We were worried whether Sachin would get his strike and score that one run. He had to wait for more than an over to come on strike. He looked up into the skies thanking God and remembering his dad. His brother Ajit Tendulkar would be so proud that he gave India such a gem. I'm glad I'm alive to see him play.



Relive the moments here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7xpR6gNKRU&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpA2yyzPcOI


3. T20 World Cup 2007 - India Vs Pakistan
Couldn't have asked for anything better. India and Pakistan in a World Cup Final. Dhoni's boys were waiting to lift the cup in the first ever T20 World Cup. Joginder Sharma would have had his heart in his mouth when Misbah smashed him for a six. Sreesanth would have had his heart in his mouth when he almost fumbled with the catch of Misbah which won us the world cup. It was a commotion. India were waiting for Dhoni to do it again in the ICC World Cup 2011 and he did it. This was a proud moment nonetheless for Indian Cricket.



The winning moments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4HmAw3-kkM



4. Virendar Sehwag:

One of the best openers in the history of the game. A man who has the guts to smash any opening bowler for a six in the first ball of the first over. The only guy to have scored a 300 in Test cricket for India. Viru ki jai ho! He most definitely is one of my favourite cricketers of all times. I was very fortunate to have witnessed a match winning performance by Sehwag when I saw my first ever ODI at Chinnaswamy Stadium on March 25th, 2001, just a day before my 10th Std Mathematics Board Exams. He took 3 wickets and scored 58 of 54 balls coming at number 6.


His 300:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nyhb91gm3MM&feature=related


5. 6 Sixes by Yuvi in the T20 World Cup:

Flintoff ticked Yuvi and would regret for the rest of his life. Clean hitting at its best. I don't think anyone else could do it for India. Stuart Broad would have cried after he went back to the dressing room. Amazing shots. It was really exciting. All of us were at the edge of our seats when it was 6 6 6 6 6. When Yuvi smashed the ball over long on for the last 6, we were jumping with joy, clapping hard, shouting Yuvi's name and enjoying the fireworks in the stadium. The dug out was mind blown when Yuvi went for the Full Monty!



Relive the 6 sixes here and enjoy Shastri's commentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CorFRXp6EWs



6. Jonty Rhodes:
The man who changed the face of fielding in cricket. Yes, there's Yuvi, Raina, Kohli, Paul Collingwood, Mohd. Kaif etc, but we all know how Rhodes has turned around matches for South Africa. We all know how he has shown cricketers agility, flexibility, speed and swiftness on the field. Like Gavaskar says "Catches win Matches", who else could do it better than Jonty Rhodes!


















Superman Jonty in '92 world cup:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMHpZpwvPdM


7. Shane Warne:
The one who 'Warned' the batsmen with his presence. The tongue sticking out when he bowls, the wrist that stunned hundreds of batsmen. I still remember how all leg spinners when I used to play school cricket used to copy his style. Not one, not two, I had seen so many youngsters copy his action. The simplest bowling style, almost walking in his run-up (or should I say walk-up), and those magical deliveries. I have cherished his bowling thoroughly, and would definitely say one of the best bowlers I have seen. Very inspiring. Hats off to you Warne


The top 8 according to Warne himself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDqn043XhQ8


8. Muthiah Muralitharan:

800 test wickets. The record says it all. The ability to pitch the ball on the edge of the 22 yard and spin it into in the right handed batsmen and uproot the leg stump. Murali the unorthodox bowler, definitely is a terror for all the batsmen in the world. His hawk like eyes that concentrated on where to pitch the ball, magical wrist that turns a long way to bid adieu to the batsman on the crease, the ability to make millions of Srilankans smile. A true champion of the sub continent and a reason for many cricketers to become wrist spinners. Amazing Champion!















Some of his wickets:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f1gEcZkdAY

800th Wicket:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G83mwesFkj8



9. Anil Kumble:

The target was 420 for Pakistan. They were 101-0. Anyone would have thought, Pakistan would get this one easily with the incredible batting line up they had. Afridi, Anwar, Ijaz Ahmed, Inzamam, Moin Khan, Saleem Malik, Wasim Akram. It had to be an experienced bowler who could do it for India. Pakistan were all out for 207 from 101 for zero. 7 out of 11 batsmen couldn't cross the 2 digit mark. Feroz Shah Kotla experienced the best of the best.
Another match where he gets hit by the ball, comes back onto the field with a bandage wrapped over his head. Tremendously courageous.
6/12 in the Hero Cup Final in 1993 against the mighty West Indies. Hats off to Namma Kannadaga Huduga.



The 10 wicket haul:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jxSK-9HSlk


10. Rahul (THE WALL) Dravid:

I was a little confused. In a dilemma whether to keep Dravid or Lara in the top ten. With a little soft corner for Dravid, I chose him. Sorry Lara. The most stylish player of all times. Incredible cuts, those uber stylish pulls. I used to have goose bumps all the time he played that square cut. The ball spins around from the point area till the third man. The most amazing square cuts were from his bat! Our man - THE WALL. A salute to you Dravid. You have taken all sorts of nonsense in your career and yet haven't reacted a bit. A True Gentleman that the game has seen. Girls go gaga over him and why not, the smart and super cool player. I had the privilege to receive an award from him once, and see him play in the nets. Technique, Style, Composure..



His 270 vs Pakistan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6en6J2H9Des

Virtual Inheritance


Remember the Object Oriented Programming where you have a Super Class and a Sub Class? Let's say the sub class is inherited from the super class. What happens now? The Sub Class has all the functions and variables inherited from the super class, except of course the private variables. Also, don't these classes have constructors and destructors? Isn't this an analogy to something that we see everyday - our lives? My parents inherited the so called "functions and variables" from my grandparents and I from my parents. Apart from the inheritance of tangible entities, we inherit "most" of our identity from our parents. Bringing back the analogy of virtual inheritance in computer terms, the Sub Class can also have functions and variables of its own. Similarly, we can differentiate ourselves from our parents or from any "Super Class" by one of the main functions known as our "Values". The Values that we form are partially inherited from our parents, but, mostly by ourselves - based on our experiences - either by observing or self exposure to elements that make us what we are. With this basic premise, we can easily conclude that no child is like the parents, or can be like the parent, even though the child acquires many things from her parents. Now since the child is not like the parent, why does a parent really try so hard to teach the child to be like him/her? Most of the parents don't remember what they did as a child, think that they are "grown ups" and teach a child values and ethics based on their experience that the child might not even get the head or tail of it and follow her own heart and mind. Why is it so difficult to be the Super Class and let the child choose all the functions from you and let her choose her own Values for herself? It's like saying Pranayama is good for your lungs and sneezing all the time. When you cannot do it yourself, don't preach!! Give options. Your experience definitely gives you the power to give your child the options and that is what the child would really take as a learning and inherit from you. Those are the real functions that are inherited from the Super Class.

Now imagine a scenario of multiple inheritance. There are 2 Super Classes and 1 Sub Class. Super Class A has a function of Anger and Super Class B has a function of Love. Now the Sub Class, by default has to take in both these functions. Imagine the chaos and confusion in the mind of the child when she receives constant anger from one parent and constant love from the other. Where is the balance? Where would she get the help from now? Instead of lamenting later on, the 2 super classes can be friend classes and inherit functions from each other and form a common Super class so that no concept of multiple inheritance can take place. A constant and persistent effort and a learning mind can do help with this and do wonders. Computer geniuses haven't yet devised a machine that can think better than the human mind. We have the power to create, and to destroy and this makes us better than any computer. Take small ideas and extrapolate them and expand the horizon of your lives.

Experience Uncertainty

A world of total chaos. Life seems so absurd sometimes. Especially when you have to make choices. Choices amongst absurd realities. Choosing between two different worlds suck the energy out of you within no time. What do you do then? Listen to your heart or to your mind? Or listen to someone else? Why is it so certain that it's gonna be uncertain? I'm not saying it has to be a Cake walk or easy to suit your situation. Why can't it be clear even if it is difficult? 

Guess, the choices are never clear. Guess it is always absurd. Guess that's the way it is meant to be. When people don't recognize you for what you are you feel like you're being pushed forcefully into thinking that you're not of any worth, but, it is easy to get out of it, cause you know what you're worth. Bank on your strengths and let go off the uncertainty. The mind is a powerful tool that creates such wonderful things. The mind has the capacity to learn new things and unlearn the things that are ingrained into us which is the root cause of all trouble. Let us look at the choices with a distinction between what you want, what you can do and what you should be doing. Then the choices seem clear. The choices are yours, they are never given to you by anyone else. Why not think prioritize amongst the choices laid in front of you, and learn about each of the choices? The choices have to be connected to your strengths. When you Understand the Uncertainty, you Unlearn the Unnecessary and are Certain to Choose wisely.  

Forgiving or Not forgiving? What's your choice?

Ever had a big fight with someone very close to you? How do you feel after the fight? Angry, disgusted, frustrated, bitter, betrayed, mistrusted etc? Every negative incident, be it a fight, a bitter experience with a parent(s), betrayals by friends or siblings, makes us feel uncomfortable and puts us into a totally negative world for at least a short period of time. Some people definitely take longer to recover and it's alright. Forgiving or not forgiving such people is totally our choice, but it definitely takes an effort to forgive someone. Some people choose not to forgive so that they don't have to relive the experience of the trauma or incident nor try to look into the perspective of the betrayer. It is a difficult process to forgive someone, as it takes our time, energy and also makes us relive the entire process of the incident. When you really want to forgive someone you must put yourself in the other person's shoes and see what kind of a life the person lived, how was his/her childhood, how does the person cope with situations, how does the person respond to others' emotions and feelings etc. This would give you a better feel of why did the situation arise and why were you affected by his/her behavior. This helps us in completing a process of forgiving. Reconciliation happens only when you have completed the forgiving process and have relived everything and experienced the pain all over again and resolved it in your mind. This process might take years, especially if the bonding has been very deep and you have been emotionally attached to the person be it by choice or by chance. 

 

The approach you follow to forgive someone can be different and is very individualistic. You can resolve things in your mind by having revenge in your mind against that person, expressing anger in the truest form, and letting go off the intensity of the betrayal. Always remember that no matter what, you have to either forgive a person fully or not forgive a person fully. Partial forgiveness or partial un-forgiveness is the most dangerous that would never help you grow over the matter and will always come in your way of the change. You are only cheating yourself about the forgiveness and trying to put a brave front in the society. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. If you forgive someone, it is for the benefit of your own emotions and feelings and not to please anyone else by saying "I'm fine. I have gotten over the incident." This leads to major complications and chances of repeating a blunder is high. It is better either to forgive i.e. relive all the moments of betrayal and all moments of truth and trying to justify the other person's behaviour or not forgive i.e. not having the will to forgive or not wanting to relive the bitter experiences and not think about it ever again.  

You would always find people who have different approaches to forgiving or not forgiving. Some people might react in the same way as they were betrayed, and feel a sense of achievement and some people might remain silent and solve things in their own mind. So the choice is really yours, but, you need to choose. You cannot be in a state of denial with respect to society. This suppression would lead to much more serious issues if not resolved. 

For more insights on this topic you could read "Forgiving and Not Forgiving - Why sometimes it's better not to forgive" by Jeanne Safer. 

I can be myself when I'm with you

How many times have you told this to someone who is dear to you? What does this really mean? Why is it that we get this feeling with only a few people and not with everyone we know? Even extroverts for that matter must have said this sometime or the other. This means that extroverts also have an introverted side to them. So coming to the point, what does it mean when I say "I can be myself when I'm with you"? My mentor once mentioned a very small point about a guy or a girl trying to  impress the other when they meet for the first time before their marriage, and I drove my thoughts in that direction. I tried to connect it to this topic and it made so much sense to me. I really can be myself with someone only when I'm trying not to impress that person. Every moment of our lives we are communicating with people of different status and we try to match theirs and try to impress them all the time. We can never be ourselves with such people. The way we talk to people, the way they talk to us, never can this feeling of 'being myself with you' come to light. This feeling only comes when you're actually trying to understand the other person for what he/she is, and not let your stupid thoughts of 'impressing' come in the way. When I sit silently for fifteen minutes with the person I love, I can actually feel the communication happening amidst the silence. This is true communication which is caressed by love and non judgement, and this is when you feel yourself with the person. You need not impress that person anymore. Just to prove that we're worth, we resort to some amazing things which are unimaginable. All of this is just a result of competitions, and the trait of impressing others which comes naturally to us, because we are all competing with each other to get the best. Out of a hundred people you know, there would be one or two who would ask you to "be yourself" or "Don't ever change". These are the few people who need you for what you are. Stick onto them. These are people with whom you can "be yourself"..  

I wake up looking at the unfamiliar ceiling,

The walls seem so unfriendly..

The eerie silence seems to talk to me..

I hear sounds of those familiar voices,

but they're so not here.. 

My right hand trembles,

and grabs onto a familiar hand,

to only realize it's my own left hand.. 

I remain vacuous,

as people here are not mine.. 

The day goes by and I feel safe..

The sun fills in their warmth..

I know the smiling face is with me,

as I see myself smiling along.. 

The unshaken support, the pride,

the spectrum of my existence,

the Strength of my mind.. 

the certitude of achieving myself...

the Love I feel as it always was..

I'm not just another brick in the wall,

I am what many cannot perceive.. 

I am the beautiful road that leads to me.. :) 

It was time...

My world sleeping, my mind awake.. 

My right hand trembled to the noise outside the gates..

I peered through the slightly opened window..

It was him... His face burning with rage..

He held a slit labrador's head..

His eyes blood filled.. 

I felt nauseated.. Sweat soaked..

He tapped the door with the head...

I turned around and screeched at my mirror image..

I tripped and fell on the edge of the table..

I screamed for help, to only realize I couldn't talk..

My larynx was dead.. I spewed blood..

Luna smiled at the blood on the black granite...

His job was done.. He knew it..

He laughed over my final rituals..

He had tears in his eyes as he laughed.. 

Black blood oozing out of his eyes.. 

I was gone and so was he... 

It is so easy to get disappointed.. It is so easy to get hurt... Why do we get hurt or disappointed? Is it just because we "expect" people to behave the way we want them to? If we do expect a way in which people must behave why do we say, "There's no one like me"? If someone disappoints us, we immediately think "this person is not worth the time i give.. ","Come on.. I didn't expect you to say that..."... What is this? We do believe no one is like us, but still believe in the fact that people will behave according to our expectations... Fair enough? What do we really want out of ourselves? Why am I so disppointed with life all the time? Keep out the expectations and life always looks good... It's a time consuming process and very difficult to keep up... You would falter, but believe in yourself... Expectations have a lot of tags attached.. Lack of space, Anger, disappointments etc.. We can't see beyond a point... Any negative feeling for that matter helps us in not seeing something concrete... We get hurt and don't let the other person speak at all... Just cause we expect the person to behave according to what we need, not how they actually want to behave... Criticism is always good to your living... People always criticise you... People observe a lot.. People assume a lot.. Only when we give a negative indication to a person will we receive a reaction with assumptions involved or with judgement... We don't realize that, cause we don't want to be proved wrong... EVER!!! We always people to live our way, cause we want to be happy.. Why can't there be a world full of love, caring and sharing and all the empathy that we need...? Why can't we give people what they need and give them our attention and watch what speak and maintain good relations.. ? We say a person is not good, just cause he/she doesn't cater upto our expectations.. :) I do it.. No denial.. but, this is what we're taught since childhood by everyone around us.. We're taught not to go near someone, cause he/she is not good... If we don't like someone, we make it a point to teach others and make them believe that the person is not good.. :) Expectations is one thing we need to get over.. People simply say "I have no regrets", but that's just satisfying yourself, it's just saying I have nothing to do with this... It simply means someone didn't cater upto your expectation, so you just ruin everything setup, and have no regrets... We need to grow, for others to grow... :) 

"Dude, I was hurt today by what you said".... How many times have we said this in our lives or thought about? Countless? Hurt? What was hurt? Do we really sit n think what was really hurt? Or was it how the person expressed his/her feelings?.. What is it ? Do we know it's the simple and plain 3 letter word which was hurt? Our 'ego'? So what does this 'ego' look like ? M. Scott Peck says there are 2 kinds of people, One are the 'Neurotics', these are people who blame themselves so much that they get used to blaming themselves for every problem and lead a horrible life, the other set the 'Character Disordered' people, these people blame only others for their problems and never will accept their mistake in the situation... So what's it like to see these people? How do you ever deal with the latter kind of people? Do you think they would ever sit in one place n think they can solve their issues by looking deeper into why the problem was there in the initial, and would they ever accept their mistakes? 

Why don't these people see beyond a certain point? It's simple again.. It's their 'ego' that stops them... So what is this 'ego' really? Who defines our ego? Other People? May be? Ourselves? Or do we define it under pressure of others? The latter's the problem... We always define ego with respect to others.. So why do we have this problem? Have we ever known that 'fear' could be the reason? Why do we get angry? Cause our ego is hurt, why does our ego get hurt when someone shouts at us? It's simply cause we 'Fear being dominated'.... Human beings easily tend to feel dominated by others and try to escape this problem... Deep down inside we know we would be dominated... When we always think someone would dominate us, we tend to try 'escape routes' or 'retorts'... When this becomes a part of our routine, we don't even realize all this and simply blame others for the misunderstandings... We don't even realize that this is ego... and we never realize that this a deep fear which we have never been able to get over... 

Face the Fear... Our fear defines the person we are... Whether we are neurotics or character disordered let us face the fear... Let us see where the fear emerges from, and once we know where it emerges from don't you think we can easily solve our fear and let go off our ego? 

Let me take the example again.. "I was hurt by what you said"... Why was I hurt? I was hurt cause in the same situation I would never tell such a thing... When I would never tell such a thing, I feel I am right.. When I feel I'm right I can easily see the other person being wrong... When I'm right and you're wrong I don't want you to tell me I'm wrong... :) So this is infact the 'fear of domination'.... We make mistakes... Let us allow people to make mistakes... Keep your ego away for a while... :) Teach that person "this is not how it should be dealt, it should be dealt in this way... " "This is what you could've or should've done.. " "This is wrong.. Let me share a few experiences on what happened when I said the samething to someone else"... These are ways we can calm others down... and calm ourselves down... When doing this you'd find Neurotics who would easily falter off a situation, you would find Character Disordered people who would never let go off their ego and would keep blaming you that it was not their fault... Stop getting afraid... You're 'not' being dominated... Keep assuring yourself that the ego is not hurt and empathize with the other person.. Deep empathy is needed to see why the other person is doing it, and why it should even hurt you or the 'ego' that is being defined at that moment..  The other person is just delaying the problem and blaming you, but when they 'do' realize it, it hits them hard... really hard... 

This is just one of the examples which I have learnt only recently and it works for me.. :) Maybe I'm leading an 'ideal' life, but it's definitely working and my fears are slowly vanishing... For Good, and for My Good.. :) The Neurotic in me doesn't fear the Character Disordered anymore :) 

How do you measure love? How different is love from any other positive feeling, let's say happiness? Is there a difference between love and happiness? What or how do you feel when someone says he/she loves you a lot, be it your mom/dad/friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/a child, what do you really feel? Happy? Then how different is it from happiness? I sat and gave it a thought, as to what could really be the difference, what could it be that when people say how much they love each other? what could it really be? Do they mean they are happy with each other? Satisfied with each other? Does everything have to end up being happiness? No? Let's just assume that you're sad, searching for a reason to smile, when someone who you deeply care for, or let's say you 'love' comes and tells you how much she/he loves you, do you feel like crying or smiling? When we say we have 'tears of Happiness', what does it mean? Why do we have to cry when we're happy? Is it love? Isn't the state of Contentment a deep sense of happiness where you need not smile fully, feel the love and feel good about yourself? If love is a bundle of Happiness(mostly), care, contentment, and other positive feelings, why aren't we taught love in schools, colleges and at homes? Why do we hesitate to express our love to the person of the same sex? Is it a bad omen? Do we have to be emotionally attracted to a person of different sex compulsorily? Why is 'love' the ultimate feeling? Why can't everyone love each other? Is it just our 'ego' stopping us ? Aren't we just being slaves to the society? Ofcourse you need not love everyone, people with various intentions exist, who can eat you up while you're sharing a dinner with them, but once we choose a person to be happy with, why does love become a barrier? Am I going to give anything more when I love someone? Am I going 'out of the way' when I love someone ? Am I going to be associated with negative emotions n feelings when I'm in love with someone? Aren't these emotions n feelings we've seen in people and then followed their trend? What holds us back? Why can't we give our 100% ? Why? The big question mark still remains? How is Love different? Why is it the 'mistaken' feeling?